Show Source: Shestakoff/Shutterstock Why does it matter if a parent is a narcissist? How does that hurt a child? You may be asking these questions if you are a person co-parenting with a narcissistic ex; someone raised by a narcissistic parent; one who is in a relationship with a narcissist; or maybe a divorce professional working on a case that involves a narcissistic parent. Given my research and clinical experience, I want to provide some education and awareness about how this disorder hurts children. First, let me explain that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is misunderstood when applied to someone who is just boastful, arrogant, and all about themselves. While these traits are annoying and not fun to be around, narcissism is a deeper, more destructive disorder that has devastating effects on the people in relationships with the individual. It’s a difficult disorder to treat; some believe it is untreatable. The cornerstones of the disorder are a lack of empathy and the inability to tune into the emotional world of others. So how does narcissistic parenting affect children?
Being raised by a narcissistic parent is emotionally and psychologically abusive and causes debilitating, long-lasting effects on children. It is often missed by professionals, because narcissists can be charming in their presentation, displaying an image of how they wish to be seen. Behind closed doors, the children feel the suffocation of self and struggle with loneliness and pain. The narcissist is not accountable for their own mistakes or behavior, so the child believes they are to blame and that they flunked childhood. Having worked as a mental health provider with thousands of children, as well as the adult children of narcissistic parents, I see the above symptoms again and again. The lifestyles differ, and the stories differ, but they all wave the same emotional banners. It’s quite a list. It takes serious recovery work to get better and feel better. If you are the other parent, or part of the extended family, and are trying to ward off the effects of a narcissistic parent, you will have double duty as the responsible one. The best approach is to parent with empathy — the antithesis of narcissism. If you are a divorce professional working with a case that involves a narcissist, help the kids by first really understanding the dynamics of this disorder. Don’t minimize it. Make sure the children are in therapy and are learning assertiveness skills to use with a parent who does not emotionally tune into them. Put the kids first. Note: Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, so think of it as a continuum ranging from low-level traits that we all have to some degree to a full-blown personality disorder. The higher the level of traits, the more damage gets done to children.
What does a narcissist parent do to a child?A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
What happens to a child raised by a narcissist?Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. They tend to try to please others and have poor ability to set boundaries or to say no to people's requests.
How damaging is a narcissistic parent?Narcissistic parents tend to trample boundaries. They may intrude, stay enmeshed in their offspring's lives and discourage their kids' individuality. They are easier to control that way. As an adult, you may now have trouble expressing your own thoughts, making decisions, or managing conflict.
What are the traits of a narcissistic parent?6 Common Traits of a Narcissistic Parent and The Trauma Symptoms They Can Cause. Self-Importance. The word that comes to mind is “grandiose.” The narcissistic parent will exaggerate and lie about themselves. ... . No Respect For Boundaries. ... . Communication as Warfare. ... . Gaslighting. ... . Playing the Victim. ... . Abusive Behavior and Neglect.. |