I dumped him and he moved on Reddit

So, I dumped him.

It was out of the blue, in the middle of our almost fairy tale of a relationship where I was on his lap, stroking his hair one minute, then screaming at him to get out of my flat the next.

There was only one major issue in our relationship of one year, and that was his habit of lying. It began two months into our relationship; I ran into his ex and discovered that I’d been the girl he cheated on her with during their relationship, then months later, after I’d forgiven that and decided to give him a chance, I found out he downplayed the severity of his cheating on her. It hurt but we worked through it.

Months went by like a happy dream, then, out of the blue, one year into our relationship, a certain event triggered a piece to fall into the puzzle I’d been subconsciously ruminating for months. I messaged his female best friend secretly- the one I’d looked after and cared for on his behalf, and managed to trick her into telling me the truth- that he’d hidden and lied about their secret relationship as fuck buddies days before my boyfriend and I had become official.

So he’d lied to me again and I couldn’t handle the pain of it, knowing he had a long list of female friends I also felt the same suspicion toward, with even worse details I was afraid to piece together. And I had asked him so many times, held his face in my hands and begged him to tell me the truth on so many occasions, where he would look me in the eyes and lie with such sincerity and no hesitation.

So I dumped him, because my gut told me that something was wrong, and I cried and it hurt.

Then he chased me, and loved me and obsessed over me and stalked me (in a literal, criminally liable sense) for four months after our breakup. Each time, I pushed away his attempts to get back together, returned the gifts, flowers, love letters that he left every time he broke into my flat.

I kept pushing him away but I knew I enjoyed knowing he still loved me somehow, even if I said no to him. Ultimately, I couldn’t let him back in because I knew he was fundamentally flawed, and because it would compromise my personal moral standards and dignity, but I knew I loved him and wanted him back too, so badly.

I did try to see if he could change after the breakup, whether there was a chance, only to find out he’d been fucking even more girls on Tindr the same time he’d been professing his undying love to me and stalking me during my exam period. To add to that, I read his messages with the best friend he’d fucked only to find out they’d been meeting many times secretly during our relationship and even discussed him genitals days before Valentines day.

So I really told him to leave me, where I would report him if he didn’t.

It’s been almost a month now, and he finally moved on. He stopped stalking entirely and he probably doesn’t think of me anymore. We’re in the same university and I’ve been told he’s happy. Some of our mutual friends invite him to things, and not me.

I broke up with him and told him to leave me but it just hurts so bad. I wanted him more than anything and loved him with all I had but ultimately, I’d given him too many chances where my love and my dignity met at an impasse.

It’s agony to watch him move on, when I want him so bad.

Any thoughts would be so very appreciated.

I (31F) dated my (ex) boyfriend (30M), let’s call him “Chad” for about 5.5 years. We lived in multiple apartments together, worked in the same place for a short time, and got a puppy together. In October 2020, we split because he pretty much got super comfortable with life and me and I felt neglected. I definitely nagged him and was annoying about it and I guess that pushed him away and we split. Chad bought our dog so he kept him, but I did get to spend a few weekends with the pup.

By February, he was seeing someone new… and kinda seriously. He told me I couldn’t see our dog anymore because of his new girlfriend. I tried to reach out to Chad’s brother who I was close to and he blocked me. All of our mutual friends shut me out too. Soo I felt pretty lonely and it sucked but yeah, I kinda got over that until I found out that he bought a house with his new girlfriend which was our dream. And they’ve been together for just a fraction of the time we were… I know the length doesn’t matter but it makes me feel like what we had just meant nothing.

I feel sad and jealous and I wish I could just not but I do.

Edit/Update - this account is shared with a friend as as a throw away so personal things (like this post) aren’t seen by our friends… not trying to start any drama or problems. Sorry for any confusion everyone, I’m new to posting on Reddit

My boyfriend and I were together for a few months. On the whole it was a nice relationship. We’d been best friends for around a year beforehand. He’s really intelligent and funny, he always supported me in what I did and was always nice to me.

I dumped him 2.5 months ago. This was because I felt like we were quite different and that we wanted different things. He’s really organised and more of a planner, quite emotionally closed but had told me he loved me. He would get up early to hit the gym before work then study a lot in the evening for an exam he had coming up. I also work full time but I’m more spontaneous, I can be a little chaotic and emotional. I think one of the best things about a relationship is when your friends and interests merge as one. I think he would have preferred us to have our own friends and interests but make time for each other. We usually saw each other twice per week when work and studying would allow. This didn’t really feel like enough but he said he had certain things he wanted to achieve with that study and that I was still a priority. I was closer to him than any other boyfriend, we spoke a huge amount over text and we were best friends.

The breakup was a shock for him. Our last argument had been around a month before where I said I was feeling like he was putting me second behind studying and work etc. He said he could do better and I knew I could to. He knows he is emotionally closed off and has been considering therapy for a number of years due to a difficult childhood. Things had been good since then, I took him to meet my parents. But a few days before the end I just realised that we are too different and I told him I wanted to end things after we’d been out for the day. I wanted us to have a nice last day together. I wanted to be with him, but I wanted to live as well and he was so rigid.

He was devastated and didn’t want things to end. I told him I still want him to be a big part of my life and stay friends. We agreed to take some time apart. Fast forward to now and we are catching up 2.5 months after the breakup. He has been going to therapy and seems more open. He says that it broke his heart when I broke up with him and that he was shocked, that he’s just trying to do what he can now to grow. He says he’s working towards being more spontaneous and letting go more. He has even changed his dress style.

I find this very frustrating. Why didn’t he do this when we were together? He knew he was emotionally closed off but didn’t sort this out when we were together? Did he just not value me enough to work on these things? I know I shocked him with the breakup. He says he felt like was developing in these areas when we were together but that he understands he didn’t do it fast enough for me.

Has anyone else had an ex make the changes you want after you dump them?

tl;dr why did he only make the changes after I dumped him?