It's the digital equivalent of reading your child's journal.
Last week, a father had his right to monitor his children's WhatsApp accounts confirmed by a Spanish court.
He had been sued by his ex-wife who claimed he was breaching her privacy by reading conversations between her and their daughter and son. When their son refused to give his father his phone password, he threatened to report the boy to police.
Which is a heavy-handed tactic, to say the least.
In the end, the Spanish judge found that the nation's civil code requires parents to watch over and educate their children and that monitoring social media usage falls under that requirement, and so this father will likely continue to closely watch over his children's online communications.
While certainly, parents are obliged to carefully protect and educate their children in all areas of life, including social media, there ought to be limits.
Listen to the conversation about screen time on our podcast, The Juggling Act. Post continues below.
Right now, parents can install stealth monitoring apps on devices their children have access to. In other words, parents can see every action their child takes on a device; who they call, who they text, what they say and what the reply is, what they look at on the Internet, their snaps, tweets and posts on Instagram and Facebook. Of deep concern, there are some apps on the market that will even monitor secret accounts their children set up.
It's the digital equivalent of reading your child's journal. It's an horrific invasion of privacy and it's bad parenting to boot.
Parents certainly need to be involved in their children's online lives, particularly in the beginning and with younger kids, but rather than spying, shouldn't the goal be to establish a relationship of trust with your child?
After all, a strong, trusting relationship between a parent and child will give a child the space to explore on their own terms. A parent who trusts their child will know that their child will follow pre-agreed rules and boundaries and a child that trusts a parent will feel safe bringing up problems or issues they need help with.
While it might be tempting to take an extreme course of action - either banning social media altogether, or spying on your children's online activity unbeknownst to them - experts recommend a different approach.
How do you tackle kids and social media? It's an entirely modern-day parenting question. Image: iStock
US outfit Common Sense media, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to helping parents and their children navigate the online world, suggests that parents friend and follow their children online. "Each family will have different rules, but, especially for younger kids, it's a good idea for parents to have access to their kids' pages, at least at first, to be sure that what's being posted is appropriate. Parents can help keep their children from doing something they'll regret later."
The Raising Children network, an online parenting resource backed by the Australian Government and the Royal Children's Hospital, suggests the best way to protect your child online is to openly discuss the risks of social media.
"Talking," the Raising Children network fact sheet on social media reads, "gives you the opportunity to help your child:
- "understand the risks involved in using social media – for example, risks include being tagged in an embarrassing photo taken at a party
- "understand the dangers involved in sharing content and personal information – this includes not only content that your child shares but also images of your child that other people share, or posts and images that others tag your child to
- "learn how to navigate the risks – for example, if your child posts an identifiable image of herself, she can reduce risk by not including any other personal information
- "solve problems – for example, your child needs to know what to do if a friend posts an embarrassing photo of her, or how to talk with friends who have shared information that links back to her
- "think about and manage her own ‘digital footprint’ – for example, what your child uploads now might have an impact later in life. You could talk about what your child would like her digital footprint to say about her now and in the future."
Creating a family media plan is a useful way to get children to understand and invest in your boundaries around social media. "If these guidelines include your social media use as well as your child’s, you can be a positive role model," the Raising Children network says.
You can find a tool to create a family media plan here.
The recent scandal connected with Disney being sued for spying on kids without parental permission has attracted much attention in the media. In short, a concerned parent sued the famous company for collecting some information about her kid with the help of mobile games made by the company and several developers. In fact, the corporation could trace some personal data that was contained in the phone storage like any cell phone tracker does. The company collected information about her child via advertising SDKs without any permission from parents. It was not the first time Disney neglected federal law.
Should Parents Check Their Child’s Phone
Parents were outraged because they found out that their children’s safety and data were not so solid and unbreakable as they seemed at first sight. The children were confused. The publicity demanded justice. However, everybody forgot about their own skeletons in the closet. Parents constantly track kids with the help of numerous monitoring applications allowing them:
- To see the location of their kids.
- To learn what their offsprings want to do.
- To read chats and SMS
- To learn about the child’s friends and acquaintances.
It is similar to the Disney company’s invasion into the private life of your children, isn’t it? That is why it is vital to learn all the pros and cons of using any monitoring application.
How to spy on your kids?
Why Shouldn’t Parents Monitor Their Children’s Internet Use
Do you prefer to spy on kids? Should parents monitor cell phones, it’s a question of debate.
When you set up a monitoring program for your children’s mobile phone or laptop, it can damage your relationships and lead to a lack of trust.
So, what can happen when you decide to apply spy software?
Many psychiatrists say that modern parents are too obsessed with the idea of controlling every step and action of their children.
Excessive use of such monitoring programs can be bad for you because you will stop trusting your kids and become obsessed with their personal life.
Reasons Why Parents Should Not Monitor Their Children’s Internet Use
When kids learn that you spy on them and know everything about their private lives and Internet activity, they can do the following:
- They will find a way to cheat the program so you won’t control them anymore. In fact, many children and teenagers do everything intentionally. So, when they learn about the program, they may become rude or antagonistic to teach you a lesson and prove that they were right. They may stop talking to you or become hurt by the lack of freedom and trust.
- They will hide their secrets from you, and it won’t be easy to restore their trust. Children can be creative when it comes to hiding information, and they will find millions of other ways to keep their private life in secret.
- The discovery that parents track on them constantly may induce children to run away from home and sever all ties with the family. Many teenagers have done this before, and you certainly don’t want your child to experience this, do you?
Even when parents understand all the dangers of using such monitoring applications, they still want to know how to prevent any troubles or decisions that can threaten their children’s life and health.
We can say that the moderate use of tracking applications is ok when applied reasonably, and it can help you take care of your closest ones.
Should Parents Spy on Their Children’s Emails and Texts
The most important benefit of using tracking or monitoring applications moderately is freedom.
Psychologists argue that people learn from their mistakes and experience no matter whether they are bad or good.
That is why it is critically important to give your kids a chance to learn a precious life lesson by themselves.
So, try to spy less on your kids and let them grow and mature as they build their personality and social skills.
However, if you suspect that something bad will happen, you can still apply some monitoring software to save your child from great danger if you have already made your mind to install such a program.
Do parents have the right to look through your phone? The answer is YES.
You can easily detect the following troubles by applying a great spy app:
- Drug addiction. If you have noticed that your son or daughter behaves unusually or looks sick, try to determine whether he or she takes drugs by reading messages and chats. Besides, you can even restore deleted files to learn the truth. Parents should monitor kid’s texts in this situation.
- Suicidal thoughts. Some parents could save their children from committing suicide by simply reading their messages and looking through their social media posts and google searches. You can spy on a kid’s phone if such a situation arises.
- Help to cope with bullying. An increasing number of classmates or strangers bullies teenagers on the Internet. Bullying can cause serious emotional and mental problems and make your child depressive and anxious.
- Prevention from being a victim. It is horrible to admit, but nowadays, criminals and sex offenders can use the Internet to get acquainted with teenagers online. Children are too naive to distinguish fraud or bad intentions of their new “friend.” That is why it is crucial to keep an eye on the kid’s Internet activity and monitor his/her new acquaintances to prevent troubles.
By all means, there are certain pros and cons of applying different tracking apps, but we should remember that our closest ones’ safety is our primary responsibility. Use some apps reasonably, and don’t forget to tell your children about numerous Internet dangers.