What is a good technique when listening to make sure that you understand a speaker correctly?

Hearing and listening are not the same. You hear music, the sound of rainfall, or the sound of food being prepared in the kitchen. Listening, on the other hand, requires attention, comprehension of the message that’s being relayed, and recollection of what’s been said.

Effective listeners not only show interest, they also acknowledge what has been said. Listening is a valuable skill on both a personal and professional level.

Benefits of Being a Good Listener

There are numerous benefits associated with being a good listener. People with refined listening skills can help others feel secure in expressing their opinions. They may also be better able to reduce tension during arguments and communicate respect to the speaker. Other potential benefits include being more likable, building stronger relationships, and having a clearer understanding of what’s being discussed.

• Good listeners are more likable. Individuals with strong listening skills are present in the conversation. People who listen with focus are often perceived as more likable.
• Good listeners build stronger relationships. Communication is not a one-way street. Good listeners show interest, ask open-ended questions, and acknowledge what’s being said. This helps reduce misunderstandings and builds stronger relationships.
• Good listeners have a clearer understanding of the topics being discussed. Individuals with refined listening skills seek to fully understand a speaker’s message. They pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues and ask for clarification when needed.

Strategies for Effective Listening

Listening isn’t a passive activity, but a process that you actively undertake. To be a better listener, you must be focused on the speaker, their message, and let the speaker know you understand what’s been said. Below are just a few of the techniques you can use to become a better listener.

• Make eye contact. Making and maintaining eye contact with the speaker lets them know they have your undivided attention. Put your phone on silent and put it away, and turn off your radio and TV. If you’re in a Zoom meeting, set your status to “do not disturb” and minimize other browser windows. Looking at your smartphone or scanning the room can make you seem uninterested and interrupt your ability to concentrate on what you are hearing.
• Ask follow-up questions. If the speaker’s message is unclear, ask clarifying questions to gain more information. You can also ask confirming questions, such as “I want to make sure I got that right. It sounds like you’re saying Is that correct?” This can help you gauge if you’ve received the message accurately. If you’re engaged with a teacher, colleague, or manager, take notes and leave room for silence. This allows you to take a beat and process the information you’ve received before asking for more information.
• Be present and attentive. Good listeners are attentive and engaged in the moment. They shut out distractions and give their undivided attention to the speaker. Additionally, using positive minimal response, such as nodding, touch, or through sound, also shows you’re listening and actively engaged with the speaker.
• Don’t interrupt. When you interrupt, it communicates that you don’t care about what’s being said. Interrupting can also make it appear as if you’re uninterested in the subject matter and were looking for a moment to interject.

Examples of Ineffective Listening

Ineffective listeners aren’t engaged, don’t make eye contact, and often miss what’s being presented. Ineffective listening strategies you should avoid include selective listening, inattentiveness, and defensive listening.

• Selective listening. Selective listening is like listening with a highlighter. Instead of considering the totality of the speaker’s message, selective listeners only pay attention to the parts they think are most relevant to them.
• Inattentive listeners don’t give speakers their full attention. They’re often distracted and focused on other things, which can mean missing most of what the speaker is saying.
• Defensive listening. Defensive listeners hear innocent statements, such as “I don’t like people who are indecisive,” and perceive them as personal attacks. Defensive listening can cause strain in both personal and professional relationships.

4 Types of Listening

Listening skills can be developed, but it takes practice. Whether you’re interested in improving your networking, landing a new client, or connecting better with your family, strong listening skills can help. Below are just a few effective listening styles.

1. Deep Listening

Deep listening occurs when you’re committed to understanding the speaker’s perspective. It involves paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, such as the words being used, the speaker’s body language, and their tone. This type of listening helps build trust and rapport, and it helps others feel comfortable in expressing their thoughts and opinions.

2. Full Listening

Full listening involves paying close and careful attention to what the speaker is conveying. It often involves the use of active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing what’s been said to the person you’re speaking with to ensure you understand their messaging. Full listening is useful in the classroom, when someone is instructing you on how to complete a task, and when discussing work projects with superiors.

3. Critical Listening

Critical listening involves using systematic reasoning and careful thought to analyze a speaker’s message and separate fact from opinion. Critical listening is often useful in situations when speakers may have a certain agenda or goal, such as watching political debates, or when a salesperson is pitching a product or service.

4. Therapeutic Listening

Therapeutic listening means allowing a friend, colleague, or family member to discuss their problems. It involves emphasizing and applying supportive nonverbal cues, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, in addition to empathizing with their experiences.

Become a Better Listener

Becoming a better listener takes practice, but if you succeed, you’ll find yourself learning new and interesting things about the people you communicate with. You may also find you’re better at picking up subtle messaging cues others may miss.

A number of specific strategies can be applied to listening, but they all share one key element: being present and attentive during conversations and respectful of those involved. This ability can help you be a more effective partner, parent, student, and coworker.

Recommended Reading

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Sources

The Balance Careers, “Types of Listening Skills with Examples”

Customer Service Institute of America, “8 Examples of Effective Listening”

Indeed, Building Communication Skills: 9 Types of Listening

Roger K. Allen, Deep Listening

Silver Delta, 5 Benefits of Being a Great Listener

ThoughtCo. The Definition of Listening and How to Do It Well

Very Well Mind, “How to Practice Active Listening”

In communication, clarification involves offering back to the speaker the essential meaning, as understood by the listener, of what they have just said. Thereby checking that the listener's understanding is correct and resolving any areas of confusion or misunderstanding.

Clarification is important in many situations especially when what is being communicated is difficult in some way. Communication can be 'difficult' for many reasons, perhaps sensitive emotions are being discussed - or you are listening to some complex information or following instructions.

This page provides dialogue and examples of clarification and how you can use this simple technique to improve your communication skills.

The purpose of clarification is to:

• Ensure that the listener's understanding of what the speaker has said is correct, reducing misunderstanding.
• Reassure the speaker that the listener is genuinely interested in them and is attempting to understand what they are saying.

As an extension of reflecting, clarifying reassures the speaker that the listener is attempting to understand the messages they are expressing. 

Clarifying can involve asking questions or occasionally summarising what the speaker has said.

A listener can ask for clarification when they cannot make sense of the speaker's responses.  Sometimes, the messages that a speaker is attempting to send can be highly complex, involving many different people, issues, places and/or times. Clarifying helps you to sort these out and also to check the speaker's priorities.

Through clarification it is possible for the speaker and the listener to make sense of these often confused and complex issues.  Clarifying involves genuineness on the listener's part and it shows speakers that the listener is interested in them and in what they have to say.

See our page: Active Listening for more about attentive listening skills.

Some examples of non-directive clarification-seeking questions are:

• “I'm not quite sure I understand what you are saying.”
• “I don't feel clear about the main issue here.”
• “When you said ........ what did you mean?”
• “Could you repeat ...?”

Clarifying involves:

• Non-judgemental questioning.
• Summarising and seeking feedback as to its accuracy.
  

Clarification Questions

When you are the listener in a sensitive environment, the right sort of non-directive questioning can enable the speaker to describe their viewpoint more fully. 

Asking the right question at the right time can be crucial and comes with practice.  The best questions are open-ended as they give the speaker choice in how to respond, whereas closed questions allow only very limited responses.

Open Questions

If your role is to assist a speaker to talk about an issue, often the most effective questioning starts with 'when', 'where', 'how' or 'why'.  These questions encourage speakers to be open and expand on their thoughts.  For example:

“When did you first start feeling like this?”

“Why do you feel this way?”

Closed Questions

Closed questions usually elicit a 'yes' or 'no' response and do not encourage speakers to be open and expand on their thoughts.  Such questions often begin with 'did you?' or 'were you?'  For example:

“Did you always feel like this?”

“Were you aware of feeling this way?”

See our pages: Questioning and Types of Question for more information.

Guidelines for Clarifying

Clarification is the skill we use to ensure that we have understood the message of the speaker in an interpersonal exchange. When using clarification follow these guidelines to help aid communication and understanding.

• Admit if you are unsure about what the speaker means.
• Ask for repetition.
• State what the speaker has said as you understand it, and check whether this is what they really said.
• Ask for specific examples.
• Use open, non-directive questions - if appropriate.
• Ask if you have got it right and be prepared to be corrected.

Summarising

As a further extension to clarification a summary involves reviewing what has taken place during the whole conversation. 

It is important to keep only to the essential components of the conversation, and it must be given from the speaker's frame of reference, not an interpretation from the listener’s viewpoint.  The aim of a summary is to review understanding, not to give explanation, to judge, to interpret or provide solutions.

Summarising should be done at the end of a conversation, although sometimes it may be appropriate midway through as a way of drawing together different threads.  At the start of a conversation, it is useful to summarise any previous discussions or meetings as it can help to provide focus.  Whilst the summary is likely to be the longest time a listener will be speaking during a conversation, it is important to be as concise and straightforward as possible.

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Summary of Clarification

In reflecting, clarifying and summarising, speakers must be allowed to disagree with, and correct, what the listener says.  They should be encouraged to express themselves again, if necessary, giving the listener another chance at understanding, and to check understanding until agreement is reached.

Reflecting, clarifying and summarising are the tools used by active listeners to enable them to demonstrate understanding and encourage a speaker to talk openly.

For effective communication it is essential that the listener and speaker both have the same understanding of the discussion. The speaker must, therefore, have the opportunity to correct the listener's understanding.

Use clarification, reflection and summarising to help with your interpersonal relationships.