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Do you often feel as though you fail to get your opinions heard, or that people readily dismiss or undermine your views? Maybe you have a habit of handling situations aggressively, or lack the confidence to speak up.
You might have felt unable to do anything about it at the time, but by learning how to be more assertive, you can stand up for yourself, and become a strong and confident communicator.
In this article, we'll look at why assertiveness is important, and explore some strategies that you can use to become more assertive to further both your confidence and influencing skills.
Click here to view a transcript of this video.
What Is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a key skill that can help you to better manage yourself, people and situations. It can help you to influence others in order to gain acceptance, agreement or behavior change.
It is the ability to express your opinions positively and with confidence. Assertive people are in control of themselves and are honest with themselves and others.
Assertiveness vs. Aggression
It's not always easy to identify truly assertive behavior. This is because there's a fine line between assertiveness and aggression, and people can often confuse the two. For this reason, it's useful to define the two behaviors so that we can clearly separate them:
- Assertiveness is based on balance. It requires being forthright about your wants and needs, while still considering the rights, needs and wants of others. When you're assertive, you are self-assured and draw power from this to get your point across firmly, fairly and with empathy.
- Aggressive behavior is based on winning. You do what is in your own best interest without regard for the rights, needs, feelings, or desires of other people. When you're aggressive, the power you use is selfish. You may come across as pushy or even bullying. You take what you want, often without asking.
So, a boss who places a pile of work on your desk the afternoon before you go on vacation, and demands that it gets done straight away, is being aggressive. The work needs to be done but, by dumping it on you at an inappropriate time, they disregard your needs and feelings.
When you, on the other hand, inform your boss that the work will be done but only after you return from vacation, you hit the sweet spot between passivity (not being assertive enough) and aggression (being hostile, angry or rude). You assert your own rights while recognizing your boss's need to get the job done.
The Benefits of Being Assertive
Being assertive allows you to communicate your wants and needs more authoritatively, while remaining fair and empathetic. It can also help you to become more self-confident, and even improve your mental health. [1]
Assertiveness provides several other benefits that can help you both in your workplace and in other areas of your life. In general, assertive people:
- Make great managers. They get things done by treating people with fairness and respect, and are treated by others the same way in return. This means that they are often well-liked and seen as leaders that people want to work with. [2]
- Negotiate successful "win-win" solutions. They are able to recognize the value of their opponent's position and can quickly find common ground with them.
- Are better doers and problem solvers. They feel empowered to do whatever it takes to find the best solution to the problems that they encounter.
- Are less anxious and stressed. They are self-assured and don't feel threatened or victimized when things don't go as planned or as expected. [3]
- Have greater job satisfaction. They feel confident to say "yes" to the person and "no" to the task, and maintain boundaries.
The Risks of Being Assertive
Some organizational and national cultures prefer people to be passive, and may view assertive behavior as rude or even offensive. Research has also suggested that gender can have a bearing on how assertive behavior is perceived, with men more likely to be rewarded for being assertive than women. [4]
However, this doesn't mean that you should simply succumb to the status quo! Rather, be bold while avoiding naivety.
There is also a risk that you could go too far. If you become too assertive, you may begin to stop listening to others despite them having good ideas. This will only act to alienate your colleagues and damage relationships. Avoid this by experimenting with small steps at first, until you find what works for you in your workplace. A little assertion at the right time can be a highly effective way of developing your profile and self-esteem.
How to Be Assertive
It's not always easy to become more assertive, but it is possible. So, if your disposition or workplace tends to be more passive or aggressive than assertive, then it's a good idea to work on the following areas to help you to get the balance right:
1. Value Yourself and Your Rights
To be more assertive, you need to gain a good understanding of yourself, as well as a strong belief in your inherent value and your value to your organization and team.
This self-belief is the basis of self-confidence and assertive behavior. It will help you to recognize that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, give you the confidence to stick up for your rights and protect your boundaries, and to remain true to yourself, your wants and your needs.
While self-confidence is an important aspect of assertiveness, it's crucial that you make sure that it doesn't develop into a sense of self-importance. Your rights, thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires are just as important as everyone else's, but not more important than anyone else's.
2. Voice Your Needs and Wants Confidently
If you're going to perform to your full potential then you need to make sure that your priorities – your needs and wants – are met.
Don't wait for someone else to recognize what you need. You might wait forever! Take the initiative and start to identify the things that you want now. Then, set goals so that you can achieve them.
Once you've done this, you can tell your boss or your colleague exactly what it is that you need from them to help you to achieve these goals in a clear and confident way. And don't forget to stick to your guns. Even if what you want isn't possible right now, ask (politely) whether you can revisit your request in six months time.
Find ways to make requests that avoid sacrificing others' needs. Remember, you want people to help you, and asking for things in an overly aggressive or pushy way is likely to put them off doing this and may even damage your relationship.
3. Acknowledge That You Can't Control Other People's Behavior
Don't make the mistake of accepting responsibility for how people react to your assertiveness. If they, for example, act angry or resentful toward you, try to avoid reacting to them in the same way.
Remember that you can only control yourself and your own behavior, so do your best to stay calm and measured if things get tense. As long as you are being respectful and not violating someone else's needs, then you have the right to say or do what you want.
The LADDER mnemonic is an effective way of assertively resolving problems. Mind Tools Club members can read about it in our Bite-Sized Training session, Developing Assertiveness.
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Dall’s Porpoise are among the fastest swimmers of all cetaceans, which includes dolphins and whales. This porpoise swims at such high speeds – up to 56 km/h (35 mph) – that observers often see only the cone-shaped water spray kicked up by its head, rather than the porpoise itself. The Dall’s porpoise often playfully rides the waves rolling off the bows and sterns of boats. As it plays, it sometimes zigzags over the waves so vigorously that it unwittingly escapes the aim of harpooners poised on deck.
Due to its athletic habits, this porpoise must eat a great deal of food – up to 15 kg (33 lb) a day. It feeds on small fish and various cephalopods, including squid, primarily at night. ...
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Vitamin K is a fat-soluble vitamin necessary mainly for the formation of blood clots. Without this vitamin, bleeding would not stop.
Vitamin K is given as an injection to newborns to prevent vitamin K deficiency bleeding, since the level of blood clotting factors of newborn babies are roughly 30–60% that of adult values. The reason for this discrepancy is due to poor transfer of the vitamin across the placenta, and thus low fetal plasma vitamin K.
Occurrence of vitamin K deficiency bleeding in the first week of the infant's life is estimated at 0.25–1.7%, with a prevalence of 2–10 cases per 100,000 births. Since the vitamin is found in human milk and supplemented in infant formula, the concentration of vitamin K naturally rises within th ...
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