I haven't even read half of this book but the way Michelle has described her teenage angst, her thinking that her mother's lack of dreams is something she wouldn't want to do... It always takes me by surprise how someone that has no business in knowing me can feel the exact things that I do. I mean, it's nothing surprising that it happens but I picked up a book after a looooooong time of not reading- and the book that I'm reading now,,, it just feels like a personal attack at this point. I really think some of those things she wrote about, even though I know they're wrong but i just do and to see them written down exactly in the way you think about them is so... Idk at this point man Show I hope I made sense to everyone reading this😬 Just finished reading this and found it very moving in some spots. It contains a description of how her mother died from cancer which was exactly like what happened with one of my loved ones. On the other hand my mom died from cancer and her death was quite different; she went very quickly with with (relatively) little pain. Sounds depressing but it really helped me process what happened to my SIL. It was such a huge deal, to be with her as she went thru it. I almost didn't want to write anything in the textbox here because I am genuinely curious what y'all made of the book. Maybe formulate your thoughts and stance before reading on before I influence (I mean more than a sub geared towards bad asian parents anyway). For me, I think I always wait for that one Asian American memoir that validates my feelings towards my parents, and I feel like I'm always proven wrong or encouraged to be minimized. The narrative is always usually like: “I had a lot of resentment and anger towards my parents but I realize they sacrificed a lot for me so all that abuse was okay, let's just sweep 2 decades of trauma under the window and pretend we're a loving family." Now Michelle Zauner's situation is dramatically different from most of us on this sub, but I'm curious. Where is the narrative “I realize and accept their struggles but I will not let them continue to gaslight and abuse me"? Where is the narrative that "I put distance for my own physical and emotion health, and the generational abuse ends with me?".Honestly, the more I have disconnected from my family, the more I have grown and the happier I have become. Every time I get sucked back on a topic about my parents I revert back to that little girl that I cry for. But no one writes about this. I guess part of it is that it doesn't sell. Is it too uncomfortable for us to confront? While we're on the topic of the Asian American experience, The Paper Menagerie by Ken Liu ruined me and haunted me for a few years after I read it. I talked to my therapist about it and she said the mom in that story is verryryyy idealized. She asked me how many Asian moms were actually like that. So if anyone else had read that story and it stayed unhealthily with them, that was the eye opener I needed to process that story. My background: Asian kid. 6 years no contact with toxic fam, suicide risk for a while. Therapy weekly for the last 5 years. Today, extremely happy to have built a life that I love, surrounded by people I love and who love me back. You are not alone, and you can make it through. Hello everyone! Here we are meeting after the passing of Michelle's mom. I'm feeling so deeply connected to our narrator that I also wish I knew her mother more. The artist she was becoming, the cook she was, and the humor she had. Per usual there will be a few prompting questions in the comments, though feel free to add insights, ideas, or more. Yummy food맛있는 음식 Common Korean Phrases 일반적인 문구 Remember to check out the marginalia! 스포일러 주의 beware of spoilers! In summary Chapter 8 - Unni Three weeks later, mom improves! Her strength was growing and was going to go to home care. Mom will have a rotation of caretakers. The narrator, Kye, and LA Kim. Kye arrived and was perfect for distracting mom from her illness. The would all do face masks, paint their nails, garden, etc. Kye helped mom receive care and focus on her healing. Mom even referred to her as Unni, older sister, a term of endearment. She started going to the gym and wishing that if she ran so many miles at a certain speed she would assist her mother's healing. One evening Kye made a dish for mom, which our narrator had never heard of. It was comforting and mom really enjoyed it. After dinner Kye made a dish and prepared it into portions. Kye kept thinking of random acts to make mom feel better, she was so grateful for her because she had an oversight towards them. The next morning Kye was making another dish, jatjuk, which had healing properties since it is easy to digest. She asked Kye if she would show her how to cook the dish, Kye declined. She wished to urge her to reconsider, but was greatful for help. Getting her mother to eat was challenging. They would have to provide specific Ensure and porridge to help get her calories high enough. The stress of thinking about her mother keeping her weight on caused her to lose her hair and her hair began to fall out. The garden had begun to sprout when mom went in for her second chemo treatment. The family began to rely on Kye, and she even felt comfortable asking Kye for help. When mom had an appointment, she asked to take her so Kye could stay home and rest. She reflected on her teenage years of learning to drive, which was problematic, to the current situation of hand holding. After the appointment and on the drive home, they shared a loving moment of singing a song together that they have loved for years. When the two arrived home Kye had shaved her head to match mom's. They embraced and Kye took her back to her bedroom. Once Kyle's three weeks were up, she insisted to stay longer. Kye is described as reserved with an icy personality. She would often let food rot and when confronted would become hostile. Kye would constantly sit next to her mother and make things just for her and mom. Her mom began responding to Kye in Korean and speaking mostly Korean since Kye was around. Father urged to speak in English, but nothing was made of it. After a visit to the doctor and an adjustment of mom's medicine she began to feel and act more like herself. Michelle confronted her mother, telling her the concerns she has over Kye. Mother depending Kye explaing the difficult life she has had and how much she does for her. Chapter 9 - Where Are We Going? When Michelle was 19 she traveled to Seoul for school without her mother. Eunmi was a huge help, treating her to Korean dishes and helping with her Korean homework. The two played a game and Michelle chose a monkey, meaning she would keep her baby. Eunmi chose to keep a horse, meaning she wanted her career. Eunmi's choice made sense, she had attend college and had many accolades. The narrator's mom chose a money, just like her. 2.5 years later Eunmi had developed stage IV colon cancer. Michelle had a difficult time accepting and understanding the disease. Eunmi went through 24 chemo treatments to pass on Valentine's day. Her last words were, "Where are we going?" The narrator flew to Seoul for the funeral with her family. There was a traditional Korean funeral spanning 3 days. Once the family went to pick up the ashes, Michelle lost her footing and nearly collapsed. Now that Halmoni and Eunmi are gone, she feels less connected to Seoul. After Eunmi's passing mom picked up hobbies and began spending more quality time with people. Since Eunmi went through so many unsuccesful chemo treatment, mom did not want to experience the same thing. She committee to two, but they weren't successful and she wanted to stop treatment. As Michelle's time in Eugene was coming to an end, her mother would find out if the tumor had shrunk. She had to leave due to her band going on tour, but was relunctant. Once she returned back to Philadelphia, her friends weren't quite sure how to approach her and the situation. She started the tour while her parents informed her that she wasn't missing anything back home. Though she craved to be there with her mother. Once the tour was over and she arrived back in Philadelphia, her father called to tell her the treatments haven't worked. Chapter 10 - Living and Dying She tells Peter that they should get married so her mom can attend. His response was to grab her hand and squeeze it. The flight for her parents was awful, mom had a fever and was shivering uncontrollably. The family decided to take her to the hospital, even though they were worried they may not let her leave once she is admitted. After a week, mom worsened and remained bedridden. Michelle would stay with her at the hospital and call the nurse for every little thing she needed, even crawling into bed with her to help calm her. Her mouth developed sores, she wasn't able to eat, then became incontinent. Michelle went out to buy her mom a treat and returned with kimchi. She rinsed the cabbage so it wouldn't be spicy for her mother to eat. When her mom saw the food, she began to cry realizing she doesn't have anything to look forward to. Michelle tries to encourage her and comments on her hair growing back. Though mom comments that her husband should be there, but he doesn't know how to take care of her. Then came the conversation of her father remarrying, mom believes he will remarry to another Asian woman. Michelle admits that she wouldn't be able to have a relationship with him if he does and that she and her father may not remain close after mom passed away. Two weeks into the vacation to Seoul mom had to be put on a ventilator to stay alive since she had septic shock with dangerously low blood pressure. Michelle and her father share a drink at the picnic area and they both come to realize that this is it. Mom will not recover. She called Peter and he wants to marry her. She went and picked out a wedding dress with her cousin. She found a wedding planner that would assist in helping the wedding happen with her mother being sick. Six days later they were heading back to Eugene. The doctor stops them to give mom a gift of a widdled wooden statue of a family, mother, father, and daughter. Chapter 11 - What Procellous Awesomeness Does Not in You Abound? When she was 23 she met Peter. She was at a bar during open mic night when she first laid eyes on him. She was entranced by his performance on stage and the way he could just rock out. She spent 6 months pursuing him and got him a part time job at the restuarant she works at. Then he was in an accident, but he was truly attacked. A friend and Peter were walking home and attacked right outside of his apartment. They were messed up really bad. Peter was hospitalized, then went to his parents to heal for a few weeks. Once Peter was able to return back and start work again he showed his feelings for Michelle. The wedding encouraged her mother by giving her purpose. The family was able to make the flight back home, even flying business class with thanks to her insurance company. Mom picked out her engagement ring for Peter to buy from Costco. Michelle joked with Peter that they could get divorced if things don't work out, but he didn't buy into it. Now that they're back home wedding planning is in full force. Peter, Michelle, and mom are all working around the clock checking off the to-do list. Mom and our narrator know that if it wasn't for the pain medicine they wouldn't need the wedding planner. Once Peter left Kye returned and helped convert mom to Christianity. It seemed to the narrator that she was doing it to appease Kye for being so helpful. It came time for mom to want to give away her jewelry, so Michelle got hee choice of what pieces she wanted to keep. Michelle isn't a person to have an eye for the worth of jewelry, but the sentimental value that each item holds. LA Kim showed up one week before the wedding and ot really cheered mom up. LA Kim is cheerful while Kye is cold. Kye remained in charge of food while LA Kim cleaned up around the house. Michelle also delegated LA Kim to creating a Korean dish for her wedding. Two days before the wedding Peter and his immediate family showed up. Their worlds were colliding, as the narrator said. They were really getting married! The entertainment rental company came and set up the back yard with chairs and tables. Watching their back yard transform her parents were excited and happy with the beauty that they created with their landscape. Mom even had the energy to get a little handsy! The day of the wedding Michelle enjoyed getting ready with her friends but she craved spending time with her mother. She went to ask her mom how she looked and when she called her beautiful the words were so special. The day of the wedding was full of fun, laughter, dancing, and drinking of course. Peter shared sweet and charming vows and Michelle graciously shared hers. When Peter danced with her mom she found it a lovely moment since he will be the last man she will approve of. Shortly after the dance, her mother was taken back to her room weeping. The narrator wasn't sure why. Chapter 12 - Law and Order After the wedding, her dad tried to keep the momentum going and planned a trip to Napa, CA for wine tasting. Though mom had less and less energy. Michelle would spend time with her I'm her parents room just watching TV. One evening Kye went out gambling and drinking, though once she returned she was very drunk. Mom whispered something to Kye in Korean and dad wanted to know what she said. Kye refused to say and got furious. She stomped out of the room, packed her things, and left. Michelle told her mom that Kye has left, and her response was, "I think she had fun." Chapter 13 - A Heavy Hand After Kye left mom sat up yelling about pain she had felt. Angry at the doctor for saying she wouldn't have pain, clearly he was wrong. They continued giving her pain medicine by the hour to keep her from feeling pain. The hospice nurses taught Michelle and her father how to prevent bedsores and keep her lips from chapping. The two began emptying out drawers and preparing for mom's death. Sometimes her breathing would go so silent they thought it happened. Though she would breathe once again. Her mother and her had planned what to do if dad had passed since he was a smoker, former addict, and didn't live the healthiest of life styles. Michelle and dad never planned for mom to go first. The narrator was hoping her mom would have the moment to tell her a goodbye message before she passed. She began sobbing for her mother, "UMMA, UMMA!" Though her mom never awoke. Peter came to Eugene and that same night her mother passed away. Her father took the wedding ring off of her mother and placed it on Michelle's right ring finger. It felt unreal and even unnatural to her. She prepared her mother's outfit for cremation and her father already planned the funeral. So they went and visited one of her favorite places. Chapter 14 - Lovely Michelle was in charge of her mother's headstone and epitaph, she was inclined to put loving mother, but she decided on lovely mother. She was determined to her mother's memory being more than a wife or housewife. Nami and Seong Young flew out to Eugene for the funeral. Nami was normally so composed, but at this point she wasn't herself. There was a pain she carried watching her two younger sisters die. Seong Young helped his mom the entire time, being a pillar for her to lean on. Michelle brought the matching necklaces downstairs and gave one to her Aunt. The funeral was awkward for her she isn't religous and didn't know how to behave with her guests. The procession at the gravesight was small and she brought all the flowers from the funeral to decorate her gravesight. Though the headstone was incorrect. At dinner after the procession, Michelle finally let herself cry and she cried at the restuarant, on the way home, and in her bedroom. She decided to make traditional korean food for her aunt and cousin. She used the ingredients her mom had on hand and went to the asian store in town. She created a dish and felt not only useful but as if she was connected to her mom. Michelles mother's art teacher dropped off a teapot that mom was working on painting during class. With the tea pot was a letter expressing how close they were and how she missed her once she got ill. Michelle began going through her mother's schetches and looked through her progress. She realized now that she will be learning more about her mother with an outsiders perspective Why did Kye leave in crying in Hmart?Wanting her mother to attend her wedding, Zauner proposes marriage to her boyfriend Peter, who accepts. Soon after, Zauner and Peter get married with their families and friends attending. After the wedding, Kye leaves after being irritated by Joel.
What should I read if I like crying in H Mart?4 Books to Read While Waiting for CRYING IN H MART. Famous Adopted People. by Alice Stephens.. comfort food for breakups: The memoir of a hungry girl by Marusya Bociurkiw.. Maangchi's Real Korean Cooking: Authentic Dishes for the Home Cook by maangchi.. Eat Up: Food, Appetite and Eating What You Want by Ruby Tandoh.. Is crying in H Mart worth reading?"Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner is a beautiful, intimate memoir following the authors relationship to her dying mother. Throughout the book you get to see how food became a bonding point for Michelle and her mom. I loved the elaborate descriptions of the various Korean dishes Michelle had enjoyed.
Are there recipes in crying in H Mart?Though it lacks recipes, Crying in H Mart teems with descriptions of food, and one's mileage may vary with them. Zauner front-loads her book with elaborate memories of consumption that sometimes have a flimsy connection to the narrative spine.
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