How to tell her you love her for the first time

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You're in love with her. You want her to know that you love her, but you aren't sure how to tell her. "I love you," is a wonderful thing to say to someone – but these are also three very powerful words. Take a moment to step back from the situation and make sure that you do it right. Read on to learn how to say "I love you" to a girl.

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   Wait for a special moment. "I love you," is a serious thing to say, and it can completely change the dynamic of a relationship. Once you've decided to tell her that you love her, be on the lookout for intimate, meaningful moments. This might happen during a beautiful sunset after a perfect day together, or when "your song" comes on during a big school dance, or when you're both laughing together, wildly happy simply to be with one another. The moment might be sweepingly dramatic, or it might be wonderfully simple. Say it when you feel truly inspired.

   • Watch romantic scenes in movies and shows for inspiration. The "right moment" might feel powerful and almost cinematic – like the scene when the guy gets the girl, and they tell each other how they feel.

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   Be patient. Don't just blurt it out the next time that you see her. If you love her, and she loves you, then you will have plenty of time to say it – and to say it again, and again! It's normal to feel a sense of urgency to confess your love. However, it's good to be tactful, and the moment may make for a better memory if you wait for something special.

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   Do it when you're both clearheaded. Don't say "I love you" for the first time while either of you is tipsy or otherwise intoxicated. Avoid saying it directly after sex – in the midst of the post-coital endorphin rush, it is easy to say or agree to things that you don't mean.[1] Let the moment be simple, pure, and real.

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   Have her full attention. Don't throw out your first "I love you," when she is distracted with something else, or when she is worried about something, or when she is preparing to leave. The words will be more powerful if you're gazing into each other's eyes. If you're having a special moment together, it shouldn't be hard to bring her in close. Consider saying "I love you" after a hug or a kiss, in a simple moment.

   • Sometimes, admittedly, there will be no "right time." You can get her attention by saying, "I need to tell you something important."
   • Not all attention is good attention. Do not say "I love you" to placate her when she's angry, or when she's trying to tell you something else that's important.

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   Choose a happy time rather than a sad time. If you're really trying to say, "I love you," it may come out when it comes out, regardless of your planning. It may be best, however, to say the words when you're both in a great mood. A sincere "I love you" can certainly cheer a girl up when she's sad or feeling inadequate – but a first admission of love might be a bit much in one of these moments.

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   Don't stress too much. If she loves you back, it won't really matter how you say it. If she doesn't love you back, then you've learned a valuable lesson about love. Either way: life is too short to bottle up these feelings, to let love lay in hiding when it could soar. Be brave, and be true, and follow your heart. It will be okay.

   • If you need to calm your nerves, try taking deep breaths. Inhale, slowly, for as long as possible, and then gradually exhale in a measured flow. Focus only on the act of breathing: on the in-and-out of your breath.[2]

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1. 

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   Look into her eyes when you say it. When the time feels right, lock eyes with her. You may experience a moment of absolute stillness – as though time has stopped, temporarily, and there is nothing that exists beyond you and her. Eye contact signals that you are sincere. It also gives you an immediate indication of how she feels about what you're saying, and it should make the two of you feel more connected.

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   Say, "I love you." It's as simple as that. If you truly love her, then you don't need to explain yourself or add any frills. If you feel so inclined, however, it never hurts to wax poetic and qualify your love a bit. Above all, be honest and authentic. Only say as much as you feel impelled to say.

   • Consider explaining the story of how you came to love her. Say something true, and honest, and sweet. Make it unique, and make her feel special.
   • The way you say the words is up to you. You can say it casually or earnestly, depending on your comfort level. Make sure that she knows you're serious – unless you want to give yourself an out.

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   Listen. Give her time. You have told her that you love her, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she's ready to say it back. Be patient and kind. Hope, but do not presume. Let her process your words and respond in her own time.

   • If she doesn't say it back right away, that's okay. She feels how she feels, and you feel how you feel. You may be hurt, but do not be angry. Respect her right to keep her own counsel.
   • No matter her response, be proud of yourself for telling her how you feel. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them, and mean it. Whatever happens: now she knows.

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   Kiss her. If she says "I love you" back: smile, hug her, kiss her, bed her. This is a special time. Ride the wave of loving emotion and take the experience to an even more magical level. No matter what happens, this is a moment in your life that you will remember for years to come.

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1. 

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   Make sure that you mean it. If you have never been in love before, it may be hard to understand the implications of this phrase. There are many types of love: friendly love, familial love, romantic love. If you truly feel that you are romantically in love with this girl, then go ahead and say it – but understand the gravity of your words.[3]

   • Love is notoriously hard to define. Some say that young people tend to confuse "true love" with a shallower level of infatuation or "puppy love." Others believe that you can feel deep, meaningful love at any age. The point being: love means something different to everybody.[4]
   • If this is your first meaningful relationship with a girl, think before you say, "I love you." Sometimes, you "just know" when you love someone. However, if you've only been together for a few weeks—or even a few months—it might be wise to wait a while before you drop the "L-word."[5]

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   Consider your intentions. Do not tell a girl "I love you" just to get into her pants, or to get her to pay more attention to you. Only say this if you plan to follow up on your words. Romantic love typically implies a level of care and commitment to a person, and you don't want to make this promise if you are going to be "in love" with someone else in a week.[6]

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   Put yourself in her shoes. Do you think that this girl loves you back? Has she been in love before, or is this her first emotionally-serious relationship? Be aware that "I love you" can be a heavy phrase to drop onto a budding relationship. If she isn't ready to say the words back, then you might actually make things more complicated with your admission.[7]

   • Think about the way that she acts around you. You should be able to tell if she likes you by the way she looks at you and the amount of attention that she gives you. If you're going to tell her that you love her, she should at least have said that she likes you a lot.[8]

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   Try starting with less serious words. Feelings are feelings, but you don't have to jump right into an "I love you." Tell her how much you like her, and use your words and actions to show her that she means a lot to you. Give her thoughtful compliments; buy or make her a personal gift; and show your passion through physical interactions.

   • Say, "I want you to know that I care really deeply for you. You've brought so much happiness into my life, and I truly value that."[9]
   • Say, "I like you a lot. You make me really happy." She'll know how you feel, but she won't have to worry about the serious implications of "love."
   • Say that you love something about her, not that you love her. This can be a solid way to ease into the conversation. For instance, say, "I love the way you smile when you hear your favorite song," or "I love your eyes. They're absolutely captivating."

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• Question

  Why do I struggle to talk about my feelings?

  

  Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

  

  Relationship Expert

  Expert Answer

  It is a risk and it feels scary to tell your casual partner that you have stronger feelings now — it's certainly scary. What if they don't feel the same? What if they reject you? While it is a risk, it is healthier to be open rather than hiding your feelings. It is common that people choose to hide their feelings because they want to avoid conflict and rejection at all costs, but doing this sabotages your chances at happiness. Love is worth the risk, as they say.

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• Say it confidently. Don't make it sound like a question. If you love her, you love her!

• Plan what you're going to say ahead of time. This is a big moment, and something that you'll probably remember for some time to come.

• Try a cute pick up line like: "If someone's pupils are big, unless it's very dark, they are looking at something they love. I love you." It really depends on how the situation is and how you assess it.

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• Only say it if you really love her. Weigh your feelings, but trust your gut. Make sure that you're ready to follow up on the words.

• Don't say "I love you" unless you're confident that she loves you too. Don't say it if you aren't ready to hear it back!

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Article SummaryX

To tell a girl that you love her, wait for a moment when you’re alone in a quiet place and you’re both in a good mood to give it the impact it deserves. Try to avoid saying it for the first time when you’re drunk or right after sex, even if it feels easier then, since you want it to come from the heart. When you’re ready to say the words, look into her eyes to make sure you have her attention. Then, simply say the words, “I love you,” or consider leading up to it by telling her what you love about her. Try not be offended if she doesn’t say it back, since it might not feel like the right time for her. For more tips from our Relationship co-author, including how to know when you’re ready to tell a girl you love her, read on!

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