Lets be friends until we get back together

While you should not agree to be friends with your ex, I’m not suggesting you be a cold, rude, unfriendly jerk either.

Why would anyone want to come back to that?

If you see your ex out somewhere or in class, you look stronger and more attractive by being friendly.

Smile, ask how they are. Tell them you are doing great.

Don’t give off the impression that you are struggling with the breakup.

Be polite and kind to everyone including your ex.

It certainly doesn’t mean that you sit with them or invite them to lunch (absolutely do not invite them to do anything with you right now).

In fact, after you ask about them how they are doing and tell them briefly how great you are doing, politely tell them that it was good to see them but you’ve got to run.

Keep it short and sweet.

What Do I Say If My Ex Asks If We Can Be Friends?

If/when your ex asks if you can just be friends, say something similar to, “Thank you but I don’t want to just be friends. If you change your mind and want to be together again, let me know. Take care of yourself.”

Get your ex back with Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit!

Then do not contact or reach out to them until they reach out to you.

See this article about why you should not contact your ex if you want to get them back: The No Contact Rule To Get Your Ex Back

If you have already agreed to be friends with your ex, text them and say something like:

“Hey, I’ve thought about it and I’m not interested in just being friends. I want to be your boy/girlfriend. If you change your mind, let me know. Take care of yourself.”

And then stop all contact with them.

To clarify:

If you want your ex to miss you and to come back to you, you can’t be his/her friend.

Turn the tables on them and reject their offer to be friends.

You are worth more than that so don’t take a lesser offer!

Why Does My Ex Want To Be Friends?

What interests me most as a relationship expert is the question of why your ex wants to be friends with you.

Much of the time when your ex asks you to stay friends it’s because it’s because they don’t know what else to say and asking you to stay their friend sounds easier than saying, “Well, I guess we will never speak again.”

So it’s often because they are trying to lessen the blow and make it a little easier on you, but they don’t really mean it.

However, your ex can ask you to be their friend because they still aren’t as sure about the breakup as they want to be.

In other words, they think they want the breakup and are convinced enough to do it, but they still have moments of doubt so they want to keep you fairly close just in case.

Your ex likely wants to keep you in striking distance because breakups aren’t comfortable and the idea of being without you isn’t pleasant to them.

If your ex asks you to be friends for that reason, you are in great shape for the no contact rule to really help you.

Many people who are dumped have an ex who thinks that being away from them will be freeing, but if your ex already thinks it will be difficult, take heart.

That’s a good position to be in.

This often happens when an ex has gone back and forth on a breakup decision before having the talk with you.

As you might have heard me say in one of my videos, most people have been thinking about, considering, and struggling with the idea of breaking up with someone for weeks, months, or even years before they do it.

So if your ex has struggled with their decision, they will try to find a way to keep you close in case they change their mind because they don’t like being without you.

So it can be a great thing if your ex wants friendship.

It’s something that you should smile about and take encouragement from if you are wanting to get back together with them.

However, it is still important that you politely reject friendship.

Don’t be cold or mean, but express your lack of interest in being friends and go straight into no contact.

When it’s over, really over, it’s easy for old flames to be friends. But what about when you didn’t want to break up? And you desperately want him back? If you’re wondering how to be friends with your ex when you really want him back then perhaps you’re asking yourself the wrong question.

Maybe what you should be asking is “Can I be friends with my ex? Won’t it be just too difficult, too upsetting?”. But if you parted without too much acrimony it’s quite common for new exes to say “We can still be friends, can’t we?”; and it’s tempting to want to say ‘yes’ because it’s so hard to let go of him.

Because if you do keep in touch with him, it’ll give you a real chance to try to get him back. After all, you can’t re-attract him if you never see him, can you?

There’s certainly a lot of truth in that.

But you should realise that you are in a very delicate situation which carries a big risk of a broken heart – for you. How to be friends with your ex is difficult when you still have feelings for him; and to have a chance of getting him back you will need to learn the art of dissembling and playing a double game.

So before you embark on such a difficult task you should think about whether it has a chance of succeeding. There are situations which would made it impossible for you to carry it off, and you need to decide if yours is one of those.

When Being Friends With Your Ex Just Won’t Work

Breaking up is hard and you will need time to heal. You must give yourself a chance to think about what went wrong and whether it’s possible put things right between you. It’s also important to consider how you and your ex would react to each other in a platonic relationship.

Does the very thought of your ex upset or enrage you?

Are you terrified of him finding someone else?

Are you hoping he’ll change, instead of concentrating on how you’re going to move on?

Are you just lonely?

Such feelings are understandable, but they will make it impossible for you to be friends with your ex. You need to be cool about seeing him, with friends, even with other women. Remember it’s not necessarily a new girlfriend; and even if it is, rebound relationships don’t usually last.

Accept that it will be hard. But if you have the self-discipline and the nerve, it can be done.

How to Be Friends With Your Ex (Without Messing Up)

The trick is not to try to force the situation with your ex to change. At the same time, you must avoid falling into the Friend Zone.

As you can imagine, you’re setting yourself up for a roller coaster ride emotionally. That’s why it’s so important to be sure of yourself before you start.

You need to have a certain level of security and self-belief to do this. If you have been badly hurt by the breakup, or your self-esteem is low, then this strategy is not for you. You would be better off practicing active no contact and working on your confidence issues before seeing your boyfriend again.

But being able to see your ex, whether it’s regularly or just from time to time, will give you the chance to lay some foundations for getting your relationship back on track. You want to paint a “What if…” picture in his mind, while keeping him guessing about whether it could really happen.

Know That You Are Not Actually Friends – and Never Use the F – Word

Don’t ever refer to you and your boyfriend as ‘just friends’.

You are ex lovers who still speak to each other, as opposed to spitting bile in each other’s direction. Using the word ‘friend’ paints a subliminal picture in his mind which can easily turn into reality. You don’t want your ex to get comfortable with the idea of your being friends. Instead you want to keep a feeling of tension and anticipation which makes him not quite sure where he stands with you.

Be Flirty and Fun

Remember to flirt with him and have fun!

There is an art to flirting with an ex boyfriend, so make sure you understand the subtleties of this new and intriguing game (for more on that, visit this page). Keeping the fun going between you will get under your ex’s skin and make him wonder why he let you go.

Don’t meet up for intense chats à deux. Go somewhere fun and entertaining with a group of friends. Do things that are fast paced and exciting, if possible with an element of danger, so you can forget about the problems you had in the past.

Men bond much more easily when you share experiences, especially adrenalin-filled experiences, than through having long conversations. So use this to your advantage.

Don’t Become His Confidante

It might seem that this is a great way to get close to him, but you’d be wrong. This is the quickest way to put yourself permanently in the Friend Zone.

Men don’t pour out their troubles to women they find attractive. They do it to the trusty old mates they know so well that they don’t need to impress them. Keep away from any discussion of personal problems, including the issues surrounding your breakup. If he tries to bring up the subject, then you need to draw back a bit and create some distance between you.

This will ensure he keeps wanting more.

Get a Feeling For Where He Stands

At some point you will have to find out whether he has any thoughts of getting back together. Depending on how he acts in your company and responds to your flirting, you should have formed an idea of how he feels.

Give him a chance to open up by talking about the fun you seem to have together nowadays.

His response should give you a good idea of whether he has any romantic thoughts about you. Be prepared for the possibility that he may not respond as you hope, and have a graceful exit line ready. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship work, and you cannot force him to do what you want.

Get a Commitment

How to be friends with your ex means setting your boundaries – and sticking to them.

Don’t be prepared to settle for something less than a commitment. It’s all too easy for you to lose your head at some point and find yourself a Friend with Benefits. That’s why it’s so important to be able to discipline yourself not to rush things, and to hold out for what you want.

If your boyfriend really wants you back, he will keep pursuing you until he gets a definite answer; so don’t feel that you have to give something first. The promise of great things to come should be enough to make him want to get back together with you.

How to Be Friends With Your Ex (When You Really Want Him Back)

There is nothing wrong with keeping your ex in your life, as long as you know what you want from him. If you really want him back, then you should use your time together as an opportunity to reconnect with him.

Remember what you are trying to do, and don’t let your new situation degenerate into the ease and comfort of real friendship. And realize that the game you are playing is a delicate one. You know he was attracted to you once. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t feel the same again, as long as you keep the sexual tension between you. And don’t let him forget that you are a woman, not a friend.

Don’t expect things to change too quickly. It’s a mistake to try to force the pace, no matter how urgently you would like things to change. If you feel tempted to do something rash, then go here to find out the best way to move things along.

Do exes get back together after being friends?

How long should you be friends with an ex before getting back together?

When your ex comes back and wants to be friends?

Can being friends lead to a relationship?