My wife hates my family Islam

Q: Who is important wife or mother in Islam?

Islam has a higher level of respect towards a mother”. The mother has the greater responsibility and the greater reward in bringing up her children accordingly. There is a saying no love can be matched to a mothers love”. Quran states Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship.

Question

Jibril (AS) (Gabriel)
Table of Contents Show
- Who is important wife or mother in Islam?
جبريل
The Judge
اسم الله الحكم
Ibn-Abbas

ابن عباس
observance
الالتزام بتعاليم الدين
Islamic jurist jurist
فقيه

My father died recently and my mother is unable to live by herself. I want to host her but my wife refuses. I have other siblings but I want to take care of my mother myself as this is my duty. What should I do?

We understand the dilemma you are going through. Usually when it comes to these sorts of issues, the wife is reluctant to host her parents-in-law because of two reasons. The first is that she would feel confined in her own home where she loses her freedom to move around as she wishes. The second reason has to do with bearing the burden of serving them i.e. cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.
Thus, the wife could be reluctant to agree with the husband’s wish to bring his parents to stay with them. That being said, it should be clear that it is legally prohibited in Islamic law for the wife to prevent the husband from bringing his parents to live with them if they are unable to take care of themselves or find it difficult to live alone in their old age. It is also impermissible for the husband to force his wife to serve his parents and bear the burden of cleaning, cooking and so on as it is not her responsibility to do so. If the wife graciously agrees out of her good heart and free will, then she will be rewarded immensely for her righteous act but if she refuses and expresses her objection, then she will not be blameworthy and the husband has to respect her wishes.
In this case, the husband has to find a servant to aid his parents during their stay with him or to find a nearby apartment where his parents can live and find a servant to help them in their daily affairs. In the meantime, he can pay his parents regular visits and look after them.
If you cannot afford to buy an apartment for your mother or to provide her with a servant to look after her affairs and your wife refuses to serve her and decide to have her stay with you, it might be wise to ask the rest of your siblings if they can afford to host their mother with a welcoming heart.
At the end of the day, this is one of the matters which need great understanding and wisdom and an atmosphere full of compassion and mercy. You need to sit with your wife and quietly discuss her fears of having your mother in the home with you. You need to show her how much it really means to you to have your mother with you as she is unable to stay alone. In addition, you need to make sure that your mother feels welcomed in your home, that she is appreciated and that she is encouraged to stay with you, because it would hurt her feelings if she realizes that she is an unwanted burden that no one wishes to carry. May God guide you to the best solution and grant you and your family peace and happiness.
And God Almighty knows best.

Question

My mother does not like my wife, which has led to me leaving home and living with my wife in her parents’ home. What should I do?.

Answer

Praise be to Allah.

It is not essential for you to live with your family, rather it may be better for you and your wife and your mother for you to live with your wife outside your parents’ house. In most cases the one who lives with his family – or even close to them – will not have a problem-free life. Wise people who measure things against the standards of sharee’ah and wisdom are very few, especially among women because of the jealousy and competition that exists among them.

Your living away from your family may set things straight between your mother and your wife. Distance is a bonus in many cases, so there is no need to worry. You may see something as bad and feel distressed because of it, then it turns out to be good. Your mother may begin to miss you and her grandchildren because of your being away from her, and her feelings may change towards your wife if she is out of sight and she only sees her occasionally. This is something that is tried and tested.

But if you want a solution to the cause of the problem, which is that your mother does not like your wife, you have to look for the reasons why she does not like her and find out what is stopping her from liking her. These may be some of the reasons why your mother does not like your wife:

1-Mixing too much with her, which leads to too much talk, and the one who talks too much makes too many slips of the tongue.

2-Jealousy of your wife and your love for her. This happens a great deal. You often see the husband’s mother being jealous of her son’s love for his wife and his responding to her wishes, and she thinks that this wife has taken her son from her.

3-Your wife’s bad treatment of your mother. Some wives do not treat their husbands’ mothers well, so they do not answer their requests or show them respect, which leads to many problems between them.

4-Your falling short with regard to your mother’s rights and not paying attention to your wife’s rights. The mother cannot hate her son, rather she tries to pick on something which she things is the cause of the problem, which is his wife, so she hates her.

These are some of the reasons which may make your mother dislike your wife. If you see that all or some of them are applicable in your case, then you must deal with it in a wise and good manner.

We advise you to take the following steps to create love between your mother and your wife:

1 – Live apart from your mother, and tell your mother that you are doing this even though you don’t want to, for her sake, so that your mother will not put pressure on herself and make herself ill.

2 – Advise your wife to send a lot of gifts to your mother, whether they are material things such as clothes, food etc, or intangible gifts such as sending salaams and asking after her health.

3 – Asking wise people whom your mother likes to intervene to change her mind about your wife. In this case outsiders may have a greater influence on the mother than her son and her husband.

We should point out that as you are no longer living with your mother, you should try find separate accommodation for yourself that is separate from your wife’s family too. Perhaps your moving in with them has deepened the rift between the two sides. Moreover it is not usually a good thing in establishing a marriage and it may have a negative effect on the couple’s life.

Do not forget to pray to Allaah and ask Him to guide all of you to that which He loves and which pleases Him, and ask Allaah to reconcile everyone and bring them together. And to guide them to the best of words, deeds and attitudes.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Who is important wife or mother in Islam?

Islam has a higher level of respect towards a “mother”. The mother has the greater responsibility and the greater reward in bringing up her children accordingly. There is a saying “no love can be matched to a mother's love”. Quran states Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship.

wife hates family islam