What happens in chapter 19 of I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter?

Julia enters the therapy program, where she is grouped with other people around her age. They suffer from a variety of mental health conditions, and many have been victims of physical and sexual abuse. The group of teens often spend their time looking at people outside of their window and hypothesizing about who each person is or where they are going. One day, Julia is asked on a date by a new thirteen-year-old patient named Antwon. She rejects his offer, and begins to befriend a girl named Tasha who suffers from a debilitating eating disorder.

Amá and Apá tell Julia that following her graduation from the program, she should go to Mexico and spend time with her grandmother. Julia refuses, claiming that she needs to stay in Chicago in order to continue going to school and attending her therapy sessions. When Julia returns to school, she lies and tells her classmates that she has spent the past week traveling through Europe. She reunites with Juanga and Lorena, who become visibly moved when they see her once again. Julia begins going to sessions with Dr. Cooke, where she is asked about her relationship with Connor and the circumstances that led up to her suicide attempt. Olga explains that after Amá found the condoms and underwear, she felt as if her world had fallen apart—the pressure was too much to handle.

Back at home, Julia prepares for her flight to Mexico. As she packs for her trip the next day, she decides to go into Olga’s closet and search around once more. She finds a piece of paper with letters and numbers circled, and she thinks that this may be Olga’s computer password. She tries to unlock Olga’s laptop, and the combination works. After connecting to her neighbor’s internet, she begins to go through Olga’s email inbox. There, she finds a chain of amorous exchanges with a married coworker. The internet suddenly cuts out, preventing Julia from reading further.

After a turbulent flight, Julia lands in Mexico. Her Tío Chucho picks her up from the airport, where he remarks on the smoothness of Julia’s hands. Upon her arrival at Mamá Jacinta’s house, Julia is greeted like a queen. Numerous family members rush to offer their support and condolences, and Julia is given attention for the first time in a long time. Julia observes her family prepare traditional Mexican dishes, and Mamá Jacinta tells Julia that she and Amá are more alike than they are different. Julia begins to understand a different side of her mother, and she realizes how the difficulties Amá has encountered in life have hardened her.

In Mamá Jacinta’s house, Julia finds an illustration of Amá when she was younger. Julia is surprised by her resemblance to Olga, and she asks who the artist was. She is further shocked to discover that Apá drew the picture, and that he was known as the “town’s artist.” Julia thinks about how it was possible for Apá to give up on his passions and dreams, and she understands the sacrifices Apá made in order for him to provide for his family in the United States. Julia then goes on a walk to explore Los Ojos with her cousin, Belén.

Belén leads Julia to a party. While there, Julia is repulsed when she sees a pig being murdered gruesomely. Although she is given a plate of chicharrones, she is hesitant to eat after witnessing the slaughter. Julia remarks that in the United States, she is often seen as overweight, whereas in Mexico she is encouraged to eat more and more. Later, Andrés, Julia’s cousin, takes her on a horse ride. They arrive at a party, where Tío Chucho encourages Julia to dance. Although Julia is not much of a dancer, she obliges because she wants to make her uncle happy.

The festive atmosphere suddenly takes a negative turn when a group of suspicious men arrive. Tío Chucho, stressed, pulls an envelope from his pocket and hands it to one of the men. There is a faded Santa Muerte tattoo on one of the man’s forearms. Although Julia is curious about what is happening, Belén discourages her from asking any questions. Later, Julia spends time with Amá’s sister, Tía Fermina. She compares the two characters and wonders if they felt any jealousy between each other while growing up. Tía Fermina tells Julia that Amá was sexually attacked when she crossed the border. Later that evening, while watching telenovelas with Belén and Mama Jacinta, the family hears the sounds of a gunfight outside the home.

Before leaving to go back to Chicago, Julia kisses Esteban, her crush. Although she knows the whole town will gossip about their romance, she is happy to spend some time with him regardless. Julia cries on the bus traveling to the airport. Mama Jacinta tells her to care for Amá, and Julia is surprised by the role reversal. She reflects on what she has learned about her parents during the time she spent in Mexico, and she returns to Chicago with a different perspective about her family and her own future.

Analysis

Julia’s suicide attempt is the climactic point in the novel. Prior to this moment, Amá and Apá were inattentive to Julia’s needs. Because they were so caught up in their own grieving processes, they failed to pay attention to how Olga’s death affected Julia’s mental health. Julia’s hospitalization is a wake-up call for the entire family. While in her outpatient program, Julia understands the struggles and traumas that other people experience. She feels less alone in her own sadness, and she learns healthy coping mechanisms that enable her to better handle her depression and anxiety.

Amá and Apá are convinced that Julia will benefit greatly from visiting Los Ojos. Julia, however, is hesitant. She worries about feeling isolated from her friends in Chicago and falling behind in her studies. However, immediately upon arriving in Los Ojos, Julia feels welcomed by her extended family. She is nurtured and loved, and she feels grounded in the support system she has there.

Before leaving for Mexico, Julia discovers Olga’s computer password. After searching in Olga’s email inbox, Julia’s suspicions are finally confirmed. Olga’s affair with a married man explains her acquisition of lingerie and a hotel key. As Julia reads through the messages, she realizes Olga’s sadness, loneliness, and desperation for love and attention. To Julia, it becomes clear why Olga is attracted to an older man. Due to her own familial dysfunction, it is clear that she finds comfort and security in having an affair with a quasi-parental figure.

Julia's trip to Los Ojos sheds light on the lingering violence that the community faces. At the pig roast, Julia witnesses a drug-related shooting. Although drug-related incidents are less and less common, Julia understands how the cartels dominate social and economic life in the town. This encounter sheds light on Julia’s parents’ immigration story. While at first Julia could not understand why Amá and Apá would leave Los Ojos, she now sees why they would want to cross the border for better opportunities.

During her time in Mexico, Julia bridges the gap between herself and her parents. When she sees an old photograph of Amá that reminds her of Olga, Julia understands that her parents were once her age. Amá and Apá were not always hardened; they once had dreams, goals, and aspirations not so different from her own. Additionally, Julia learns from Mamá Jacinta that Amá was raped by a coyote (a person who smuggles immigrants across the Mexico–United States border). Julia is shocked by this news, and she considers how this incident traumatized Apá and Amá both. In summary, Julia’s time in Los Ojos heals her. Upon her return to Chicago, Julia develops a more understanding and empathetic relationship with Amá and Apá.

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