What happens when you lie about your age?

It is at least as acceptable as refusing to give a number and works faster than even the best wrinkle cream and hey, you have to take what advantages you can get.

Feb 23, 2018 12:00pm

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I won't lie. I look like a child. I get told I am lucky and that when I am 40 I will appreciate it but it really isn't that great. When I answer the door without makeup people ask me if my mother is home. I always have to bring my driver's licence to the supermarket and I have had to abandon my dreams of wearing anything with a peter pan collar. Worst of all, I constantly wonder if people would take me more seriously if I looked the age I really am. Yet I am in my mid twenties.

Or am I?

Because of the disparity between how old I look and how old I am, I can get away with some pretty damn ridiculous answers to the question "how old are you?" And believe me, I take full advantage of what is otherwise, in most cases, a disadvantage. I lie about my age.

You can be evasive about it and say "you shouldn't ask a lady her age!" Or get clever about it with phrases such as "as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth" - but sooner or later someone will want an actual, numerical answer.

So there's the issue. If someone demands an answer, and you don't want them to know your actual age, you lie.

And most of us do. A survey by Marketwatch revealed that a fifth of women admitted to lying about their age on dating sites. The other four fifths probably just didn't want to admit to it.

But the tradition of lying about your age has been around much longer than dating sites and is likely as old as age itself.

Walt Disney forged a birth certificate to be a year older in order to serve in World War I.

Sandra Bullock's birth year was given as 1965, 1966, and 1967 until 1997, when Vanity Fair discovered that her true birth year was 1964.

At her interview for That 70s Show, 14 year old Mila Kunis said that she wasn't 18 (the required age) yet, but didn't tell them her actual age. She got the part of Jackie Burkhart and met her now-husband Ashton Kutcher.

In order to go to school earlier, Kalpana Chawla changed her date of birth by a year. She later became the first woman of Indian origin to go into space.

The interesting thing about these examples is that not all of the people lying about their age are making themselves younger. And not all of them are lying for vanity, but as means to positive ends.

Even if you were to dismiss actresses who shave years off of their age (such as Sandra Bullock) as vain, you must admit there is a climate that asks them to do it.

A woman in Hollywood can expect to reach her peak (and receive the most roles of her career) at age 30, while an actor in the same position will peak at 45 according to time magazine.

Similarly, 53% of all male characters were over 40, while female characters over 40 made up just 30% of all female characters. On top of that, a 40 year old character is usually played by an actress in her 30s - making it even harder to be a woman who has a fixed birth year in Hollywood.

And the pattern continues into real life, where the gender pay gap widens with age.

So it is little wonder women lie about their age more than men do.

There are no rules to lying about your age. You don't even need a reason. Yet in a world where we are so harshly punished for aging, and we (still) don't have all the same privileges that men do, can it hurt to simply not give a number?

Like a good wrinkle cream, the younger you start, the more effective it will be later.

Even just for the mystery or fun of it, we need every leg up (or simple joy) that we can get. So take the current year, subtract your birth year and forget the final number and pick one you like. We won't tell.

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Review

“This book reflects the wise, knowing person Carol has become, and the hysterically funny one she always was. I recommend it highly - its strong enough for a man...but made for a woman. I couldn’t put it down.”—Bill Maher

“These essays have stirred in me a foreign, disgusting and heretofore dormant urge to hug someone, in this case the author. If I become human as a result of reading this, so help me God I will sue her for every dollar she makes from this profound, insightful, and hilarious book.”—Larry David

“I discovered Carol Leifer at an open mike night in the late 70's on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  It didn't take me two seconds to realize how special her talent is.  (Two seconds, that's how good I am, by the way).   But she really has one of the most uniquely hilarious minds of anyone I've ever met.  We have worked together on countless projects.  If you have never heard how she thinks, this book is the perfect introduction.”—Jerry Seinfeld

“Deeply honest, inspiring, and funny. This is a book about the unpredictability of life and finding yourself that is written by a very, very funny woman. Read this now before it's made into a movie, so you can join me in saying, "I liked the book better!"
Trust me: I'm generally as accurate as Seinfeld. It's really a winner.”—Garry Shandling

“Carol and I go way back. I'm not exactly sure what that means but we've known each other for a long time. Here's what I know about Carol. She's funny, she's smart, she's kind and she's a good writer. You will find out all of those things for yourself when you read this book. I laughed, I cried, (but that's because I leaned back laughing and hit my head on the wall). I think you'll enjoy this book as much as I did-except for the part when I hit my head.”—Ellen DeGeneres

“You'll love this. It's the best book ever.”—Chris Rock

“Carol Leifer is one of the most sane funny folks around—her book is full of love light and laughter. Her take on the world will make u smile and warm your heart. So buy it already.”—Rosie O'Donnell

“Carol Leifer's book is the perfect antidote to aging. If laughter is the best medicine, then her writing is an amazing beauty treatment. It's like a clay mask for the soul.”—Margaret Cho

About the Author

Carol Leifer is an accomplished stand-up comedian and an Emmy-nominated writer and producer for her work on such television shows as Seinfeld, The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live, and the Academy Awards. She has starred in several of her own comedy specials, which have aired on HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central. Her “big break” came when David Letterman unexpectedly showed up one night at the Comic Strip in New York City and caught Carol’s show. His visit led to her making twenty-five guest appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. Carol has also been seen on The Tonight Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. She starred in and created the WB sitcom Alright Already. She lives in Santa Monica with her partner, their son, and their seven rescue dogs.

Is it OK to lie about my age?

Lying about one's age is considered socially acceptable, as is declaring the fact that your age is nobody's business. This is interesting, given that perfidy and telling people to “butt out” are usually regarded as graceless gestures when applied to other situations.

What to do when you lie about your age?

The best you can do now is, tell the truth - apologize for not telling him sooner, and try to explain why you did not tell the truth. He might appreciate you coming clean - but don't be surprised if he thinks you are superficial - since you don't like how men your age look.

What is it called when u lie about your age?

Misrepresentation of age occurs when a person lies or otherwise deceives another person regarding their age in order to obtain a benefit or rights that would otherwise be denied to them.

What if you lie about your age on TikTok?

As a response to the complaints affected users aired on social media, TikTok tweeted that those who typed the wrong birthday will have to prove their age by sending in a copy of a government ID. The solution was likely designed to prevent users from lying about their age.