Who is more important wife or mother Islam?

Dear sister, thanks a lot for your question which reflects your care to have a clear view of the teachings of Islam. Allah commands Muslims to refer to people of knowledge to become well acquainted with the teachings of Islam in all aspects of life.

It should be clear that there is no conflict between the wife’s right to have a separate house and the husband’s dutifulness to his parents. It is incumbent on the husband to be dutiful to his parents and take care of their needs. At the same time, the wife has the right to ask for a separate house and there is nothing wrong with moving to a separate house if the husband still takes care of his parents.

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However, if their health requires someone to look after them all the time, the parents may have to move in with the son (perhaps temporarily). Or perhaps the siblings could take turns staying with the parents, or the parents could stay with one of their children.

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states,

A person’s duty towards his parents comes second only to his duty towards Allah. Allah Almighty says, “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you shall render utmost kindness to your parents.” (Al-Israa’ 17:23)

This, however, does not mean that he can be neglectful or complacent of his duties towards his spouse and children. A Muslim ought to balance his duties towards his wife and children with those that he owes towards his parents and other blood relations. Since Islam is a religion of balance, one is supposed to balance both these duties.

You are not asking too much of your husband if you insist that he provides for you and your children separate living quarters close to his own parents, so long as he can financially afford it. By doing this, he is not in any way disobeying his parents. He needs not listen to his parents should they object to this arrangement, especially if the wife does not feel comfortable about living with them, for his duty to provide his wife with her own personal space supersedes his duty to please his parents in this matter.

Having said this, I must point out that he can never be remiss in his filial duties. Finding you a living quarter close to theirs so that they can call on him any time is an ideal compromise.

Again, I must also advise you never to set yourself up as a rival with his parents in competing for your husband’s love and attention. As a Muslimah, you should encourage your husband to keep good relations with his parents. Your husband may do well to know that he needs to balance his commitment towards his parents with his commitment towards you and your children. He is never allowed to sacrifice one for the other.

Are a man's parents more important in Islam than his wife and kids? How should he balance his responsibilities between them?

Are a man's parents more important in Islam than his wife and kids? How should he balance his responsibilities between them?

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 year ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If a married couple, in their early stages of their marriage do not define how they are going to live their lives, especially with their interaction with each other's families, then there will be many ongoing problems. 

Defining your relationship with your family, and your in-laws, is very easy, even if they might be difficult to deal with. 

Your primary position is your obedience and loyalty to your parents. This is the Islamic principle, and that's how you live as a Muslim. Even if it means you are uncomfortable, or it isnt really what you want, but if it makes your parents happy, then that's what you should do. 

As for your parent-in-laws, they are now like your parents, so you treat them as you would treat your own parents. 

This is applicable to the husband and to the wife, equally. 

Let's be less sensative, and more accomodating to them as elders, from a different generation, from a different mindset. And all for the greater good, of keeping peace and harmony. 

Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) says: Do good and obey your parents so that your children will do good and obey you.

I've also come across a tradition about how cursed a spouse may be if they were to force their spouse to choose between them and their parents. 

Of course parents are more important. Not just more important that our spouse, but more important than ourselves. 

What if the husband/wife has no consideration, and cannot combine between their family and their parents. This is why it is so important for us to learn Akhlaq. 

You should never allow yourself to be in the situation where you have to choose between your spouse or your parents. You should also never put someone else in such a situation. 

Balance happens when you respect boundaries, and as I said, you have defined your relationship. You pay utmost attention to your husband/wife, and at the same time to accommodate to the needs of your parents and family members. You also never discriminate, and treat your in-laws the same. 

You have your own life now, and you are trying to build that, but you wont be able to create a loving caring atmosphere at home if you break bridges with others. That's why we shouldnt think that way, who is more important you or your parent, or who do you love more, your son or your daughter and so on.

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