Why do I say um a lot?

It was the night before TEDx Perth 2013. Speakers I had coached were in UWA’s Octagon Theatre for dress rehearsal. You probably know that TEDx speakers put in incredible effort to develop these talks. The audience feels like they are hearing someone speak eloquently off the cuff, but that's thanks to weeks of preparation and rehearsal.

A sports psychologist I worked with that year had worked very hard. He had incredible content about the mind of professional athletes. But he said ‘um’ every 10 seconds.

Literally.

This was the night before kick-off.

Overnight, Martin Hagger coached himself out of Um. His talk has been viewed over one million times.

We say um to fill what we think is uncomfortable silence.

I see speakers say “um” after a joke, something controversial or very personal. It happens in formal settings and everyday conversation. “Um” is an attempt to avoid silence. If a joke lands poorly and we keep talking, perhaps the audience won’t be able to tell that no one laughed. (Now that I’ve pointed it out you will start to see it everywhere too!)

A pause for you as the speaker is unfathomably long.

For the audience it’s breathing space.

When you say something profound, the nano-second afterwards can feel like a chasm. You’ve just given away something deeply personal: what if they don’t respond? Almost every speaker I work with is scared they will forget their words and they will be shamed. So, at the slightest hint of pause, they keep talking. But actually, the quarter second you are silent, is barely enough for your audience to take in what you are saying.

By saying um we take away the audience’s opportunity to digest our words - and respond.

Ironically, when you say “Um” and keep talking, you make it really hard for the audience to respond, with laughter or even just an internal “Aha” moment. Did you know that getting a laugh is often less about what you say, and more about timing?

Cue your audience to your respond

Think about a circus show where the performer makes a flourish, or holds a pose. You know it’s time to applaud. When you’ve been holding your breath throughout a moment of suspense and the performer finally releases the tension - you can’t help but belly laugh with the breath out.

Um is never just about Um

Training yourself out of um is more than just not saying it. It’s coming to terms with the awkardness of silence, and the fear you won’t be taken seriously The good thing is, you can work through it and train yourself out of um overnight. Good luck!

Rachael West is a strategic speaker coach, facilitator and social entrepreneur. She loves helping engineers, scientists and people with something important to tell the world, craft a meaningful, engaging presentation they can use again and again to help their field shine. More tips for being a great speaker at rachaelwest.com.au.

In a study of how people talk in English, the linguist Mark Liberman analyzed a massive database of spoken language and found that one in every sixty words people pronounce is either um or uh. Depending on how fast you talk, this means you are producing two to three of these ‘fillers’ per minute.

Why do we do this? An obvious answer is that we use these fillers when we are momentarily unable to say what we want to say. We might be having trouble remembering a word or a name, or formulating our thoughts, or we might have reason to be hesitant. But there is more to it than this. Just having a problem finding the words you want to say is not enough reason to say something like um out loud. You could just as well stay silent for a moment while you work away in your head to sort out what you are saying.

The reason we say “um” and “uh” is that, in the high-speed to-and-fro of conversation, going silent won’t work.

Why we need filler words in conversation

In everyday conversation, there is no script. We don’t know who is going to talk and when, what they are going to say, when someone else will jump in, or how long anyone will talk for. But because people in conversation tend to obey a one-speaker-at-a-time rule, we are always having to deal with the question of who has the floor, when they intend to hold on to it, and when they are giving it up. The cooperative rules of conversation require us to use traffic signals that regulate the flow of social interaction.

Suppose you are having trouble formulating your next phrase: If you go silent, the other person may figure that you have finished your turn at talking, and they may take over the line of conversation. If this happens, you have potentially lost your thread forever, as the conversation goes in an unpredicted new direction. So, if you are temporarily delayed and are intending to continue, it makes good sense to use a filler like um or uh. The filler is a traffic signal that accounts for your delay: “Please wait a moment, I’m not done yet, normal transmission will soon resume.” If the other person is cooperating, as people usually are, they will refrain from taking over the floor.

Despite the fact that fillers like um and uh have clear functions in conversation, we are often told to avoid them. The problem is that, in informal conversation at least, if you were to eliminate all of your ums and uhs, you would find people assuming you had finished your turn, and they would start speaking when you weren’t actually done yet.

You could be rid of filler words if you could be free of the underlying reasons why they are there, i.e., if you were always ready to say what you wanted to say in the split second of time you have available in which to say it. But in free-flowing conversation, you will always and unavoidably experience delays, and if you don’t use the right conversational traffic signals, you are going to be a poor or strange conversational partner.

How public speaking is different

Nobody speaks with perfect fluency all the time. But we do tend to speak more fluently under certain conditions, for example when we are talking about a topic that we know well, when we are saying things that we have said before, and when we are not under time pressure. These conditions cannot be guaranteed in free-flowing conversation. We don’t usually know in advance exactly what we are going to say. We don’t get to rehearse. Nor can we control what the topic of conversation is going to be. This is because any conversation is a joint project, and it is designed on the fly, and in a collaborative way, by the two or more people engaged in conversation.

In public speaking, the situation is different. In public speaking, we do get to decide (and rehearse) in advance what we are going to say. So, with good planning we can ensure that the words and ideas we are articulating are readily accessed, meaning we can be more fluent and avoid the need for fillers.

Second, in public speaking, one of the main functions that fillers fulfil—namely, to let the other person know not to start their turn yet—is not relevant. The floor is all yours, at least until Q&A. So, leaving more than a second or so of silence does not present the problem that it does in informal dialogue.

Third, in public speaking we are not engaged in the fast-paced to-and-fro of conversation, and so we are free to determine the temporal rhythm of our own speech.

The best strategy for eliminating filler words in public speaking: Slow down

By consciously slowing down, we give ourselves more time to formulate what we are saying (and our audience gets more time to process it), and we thereby decrease the likelihood of the cognitive pressures that lead to delays, and in turn to ums and uhs.

Slowing down has other benefits as well: When we speak more slowly, we come across as more authoritative and relaxed.

Targeting um and uh themselves does not solve the problem. They are merely symptoms. If we are going to minimize our use of fillers, and benefit from the impression of control and authority that this gives, we should understand the good reasons why these conversational traffic signals exist in the first place.

N.J. Enfield is a professor of linguistics at The University of Sydney and author of “How We Talk: The Inner Workings of Conversation.”

It is difficult for me to watch political speeches. After all, I know that I am going to hear one alarming word over and over again. It’s not “debt,” “deficit,” or “downturn.” It’s “um.”

Filler words like “um” may seem natural in everyday speech, but they do not belong in formal presentations or speeches. Powerful public speakers work hard to eliminate words such as “um,” “uh,” “well,” “so,” “you know,” “er,” and “like” from their vocabulary so that their listeners can focus solely on their message. Through practice and persistence, you can too.

So, like, why am I saying “um”?

Why do we use filler words? The simplest answer is that we have been conditioned to answer questions immediately from an early age. When our mother or father asked us a question, we were sure to answer right away—either because we wanted to show respect or because we were afraid of what would happen if we didn’t answer. Consequently, we feel the urge to speak when spoken to.

Some people argue that filler words serve an important purpose such as making a speaker sound more “natural” or “real.” In fact, Michael Erard wrote a book on this very subject. But just because filler words are fairly common in everyday speech does not mean that they are useful. In fact, they often detract from the listener’s ability to understand a particular message.

There are two places where filler words commonly appear: at the beginning of a statement and in between ideas. See what happens the next time you answer a question. You might say “um” or “uh” right away without even thinking. Then when you are finished discussing your first idea, you may be tempted to use another filler word as you decide what to say next.

You can think of these two “filler word hot spots” in the context of a two paragraph essay. The first hot spot would be the tab before the first paragraph, and the second hot spot would be the white space between the first and second paragraphs.

When you use a filler word such as “um,” you are thinking verbally. In other words, you are verbalizing your thought process. Armed with this information, it is easy to realize that the best way to avoid using filler words is to pause. If you are not speaking, you can’t say “um”!

Removing “um” from your vocabulary

The next time you are asked a question, take a couple seconds to think about what you want to say. This pause serves two important purposes: it will help you begin powerfully, and it will help you avoid using a filler word. Pause, think, answer.

The same public speaking technique applies when you are transitioning from one idea to another. While you may be tempted to fill the silence between ideas with a filler word, remember to pause and give yourself a moment to think about what you want to say next. It is important that you don’t begin speaking until you are ready. Remember: Pause, think, answer.

It may feel unnatural to pause, especially since you have responded to questions right away for your entire life. I assure you that you will deliver more powerful responses and reduce your chance of using filler words if you give yourself time to think.

Can’t seem to shake the habit? Ask for help.

If you need help overcoming your “um” problem, consider asking a co-worker, family member, or friend to point out when you use filler words. You also could record an upcoming presentation and then watch yourself in action. You may be amazed at how often you say “um” or “uh”!

Although we live in a fast-paced society that seemingly demands instant answers, we must use the pause to our advantage. We may feel pressure to answer right away, but ultimately, we should only speak when we are ready.

Do you agree? I would like to hear what you think so leave a comment. But, please, don’t use any “ums.”