I sat next to my best friend on her queen-sized, bed, surrounded by a mass of pillows doing what best friends do best: heart to hearts. Her words stuck. “As painful as it was, losing that friendship wouldn’t have mattered if you hadn’t learned anything.” We were rehashing the loss of one of my closest friendships. My best guy friend. (Let’s call him David.) A guy who in the course of our three-year friendship I realized I was in love with. Show We laid out the details like a deck of cards. What had gone wrong. Mistakes made on both sides. The scars it had left. What I learned from it. How I was planning to let go and move on. Rewind to 2016 when I realized that I had feelings for my best guy friend. After three years of a great friendship — of long phone calls, of making fun of each other, of seeing each other at our worst, of challenging each other to grow, of rooting for each other, of me calling him to come save me — I realized I was in love, and it scared the crap out of me. CURRENTLY TRENDING / GIFT GUIDE Shop Now: The Everygirl's Holiday Gift Guide With hundreds of thoughtful gifts, you're sure to find something for everyone on your list! SHOP NOW What scared me was that I knew. I knew how I felt. I knew what he meant to me. I knew if I had to choose, I’d always pick him. It was that feeling that older, more mature couples talk about, “When you know, you know.”
So what did I do? I hard-core stuffed those emotions, deep, deep down in a dark tunnel that no one could find. I worked out to avoid feeling. I worked more hours to avoid emotions. I slept to avoid emotions. I shopped to avoid emotions. And guess what? The feelings were still there. They didn’t go anywhere.
One crisp, clear L.A. night with a glass of wine in hand, I took my phone to my apartment’s deck, and I made the call. With shaky hands and a trembling voice, I said the words that I had been trying so hard to bury: I have feelings for you. We tried going back to being close friends like we had always been, but it didn’t happen that way. The phone calls stopped. The witty texts stopped filling my inbox. We saw each other once more in 2016 when we both were home. My heart wasn’t ready. I thought I could be his friend again, but my heart was still hurting. So when I got back to L.A., I sent him a text and said I couldn’t handle being his friend right now. He sent me a thumbs up emoji. We haven’t spoken since.
Guess, what? I’m still here. Being honest about my emotions and being vulnerable didn’t destroy me. It didn’t kill me. While awfully uncomfortable, I am still here. To be honest, it was relieving to just be honest. It was like releasing pressure from a balloon. Once it was pierced, it all just came out. I know now that I am enough, with or without this person. Just because one guy didn’t pick me, it doesn’t mean I am unworthy of love or not good enough. I am enough, just as I am: imperfect, beautiful me.
I am finding that part of being an adult and an overall emotionally healthy human being means allowing yourself to be real and vulnerable. While there are a lot of things I would go back and do differently, I am proud of myself for having the courage to be vulnerable. I am proud of myself for voicing my feelings. I am even proud of myself for saying I wasn’t ready to be friends yet because I wasn’t. I know now that that’s OK. I only wish I would have had that conversation in person and not sent a text. It deserved more care and so did he. Yet, I can show myself grace because I had some growing to do, as we are all in process, imperfect human beings. In 2016, I was a hot mess in more ways than one. I didn’t value myself nor my voice. 2017 saw a lot of growth, a lot, and boy was it painful. I grew to be more confident in my talents and gifts. I came to get to know and actually like the woman I saw staring back at me in the mirror. I learned to say no, to set boundaries with other people, and to make self-care a priority. 2018 allowed me to put those lessons into action and I gained a thicker skin. In 2019, I hope to only go up from here. What should I do if I'm in love with my best friend?What to Do If You're in Love With Your Best Friend. Consider their relationship situation. ... . Respect their relationship situation. ... . Differentiate your romantic feelings and platonic feelings. ... . Don't feel guilty. ... . Weigh your options. ... . Stick with your plan. ... . How have you dealt with having feelings for your bestie?. Is it normal to feel in love with your best friend?It's more common than you might expect that best friends fall for one another — after all, you already know you get along so well! Every friendship is different, so it will be up to you to determine what the best course of action is for the two of you.
How do I know if I'm in love with my best friend?All the signs you're in love with your best friend. You try to look your best when you know they'll be around. ... . Hugs from them feel different. ... . People ask if you're dating, or if you've dated in the past. ... . You would do anything to make them smile and/or impress them. ... . Compliments from them feel like you just won the jackpot.. How do I stop falling in love with my best friend?Things You Should Know. Set appropriate boundaries to avoid developing feelings for your friend. For example, limit how often you hang out together.. Spend time with your friend in a group setting instead of hanging out by yourselves. ... . Stay busy to distract yourself from any romantic feelings.. |