Is it bad to date your best friends brother

Thou shall not date my sibling is not exactly spelled out in bold letters or part of a secret code that BFF’s abide by. However, when it does happen, it can create an unnecessary fall out if not handled maturely. The most recent couple to hit the headlines is Kendall Jenner and Anwar Hadid. The young twosome are in it for a fun ride. In fact, Kendall has allegedly told friends she is not looking for a serious relationship at this point. What’s interesting is that Kendall is BFF with Anwar’s sisters — Bella and Gigi. We don’t know how the Gigi sisters feel about this new love between their best friend and brother. But this could complicate things for Kendall with the Hadid’s if things don’t work out. After all, history has been witness to many friendships’ not surviving the flame of love.

Table of Contents Show

CAN LOVE DESTROY FRIENDSHIP?
LOVING BUT NOT COMPROMISING ON FRIENDSHIPS
NAVIGATING ‘IT’S COMPLICATED’
Is it bad to fall in love with your best friend's brother?
Is it against girl code to date your best friend's brother?
What do you do if you like your best friend's brother?
Is it okay to date a best friend?

CAN LOVE DESTROY FRIENDSHIP?

Well, that’s a question that will probably get both yays and nays from different sides, depending on how things fell into place or fell apart when things went downhill. While there is no taboo on getting involved with your BFF’s sibling, here’s what you should keep in mind. Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal believes that it’s easier to create a long-term happy relationship with your BFF’s sibling because you have a history and know them well. He adds, “Before entering such a relationship, it’s important to weigh in the pros and cons of such a decision. One has to realise that if things go south, your friendship is at stake and you may not have the support of your BFF when you really need them as they will be place in a difficult position — choosing you or their sibling’s side.”

LOVING BUT NOT COMPROMISING ON FRIENDSHIPS

Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany believes that this is a tricky situation to be in, and one needs to be very mature if they choose to go ahead with things. She adds, “If you have fallen for your BFF’s sibling, it’s best to let them know first, to avoid any misunderstandings in the future. The plus is that you know them and their family and generally have a great equation with all. The flip side is sometimes if things are not handled maturely, it can cause rifts between friends.”

NAVIGATING ‘IT’S COMPLICATED’

It may not necessarily get complicated but if it does, you have to decide what you are going to do. In most cases, there should not be an issue if you are able to convince your BFF that no matter how things turn out, you will not let your friendship fall victim to a bad romance. However, if your BFF is against the idea, you may have to decide when the possibility of a romance is worth the risk of choosing love over your BFF. Make sure you make time for your BFF, and don’t put her in the middle when you have a tiff with her sibling. And don’t stop hanging out with your best friend because you want to avoid their sibling.

While there is no writing on the stone when it comes to dating your best friends’ brother or sister, it does come with a price and you have to determine if it’s worth it and if you are willing to pay it.

Q. I have been seeing my best friend’s older brother officially for four months now. We were hooking up for about six months a year ago, but I cut things off then because it started to seem more serious to me and I just wasn’t ready to tell my friend about it. I felt sneaky and gross about ultimately hiding things with him from her.

Recently, I told her everything. I can see a future with him, as his actions match his words and we just click. Since COVID-19 hit, we have been spending a lot of time together, but I still make time to see my best friend often. She gets standoffish and shuts me out if I talk about her brother and the relationship — or if he so much as posts a picture of us, she takes offense to it. (For example, I had lunch sent to him and he posted about it and she sent it to me asking why I didn’t send her lunch.) It really makes me feel conflicted. I love both of them so much and do not want to lose either of them.

How do I bring this up to her? She is the type of person who’s stubborn and really suppresses how she feels, so an actual conversation about everything could be really difficult. I’m trying to do the right thing here, but it will be difficult if she constantly makes me feel like I have to choose between the two of them. I feel like each of them has a hold on each of my arms and they’re constantly pulling me in each direction. How do I handle this?

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CONFLICTED

A. If you’re sure that one big conversation with your friend would be counterproductive and cause more conflict, do your best to be as honest as possible during these individual moments of negativity and jealousy.

She asked why you didn’t send her lunch. I hope you said, “Because we’re not dating.” I also hope you reminded her that you celebrate your friendship with her all the time. Those moments will look different than those with her brother. Maybe they’re harder to post on social media.

Go for extreme clarity. As in, “Maybe you’re kidding when you mention me sending you lunch, but I hope you know that this can’t be a competition. I want to be able to show one of you how much I care without the other feeling slighted.”

Please remember that this relationship isn’t new to you. You were hooking up with this person a year ago, so this is more about picking up where you left off and making it serious. If you really told your friend everything, she’s just starting to make sense of that news and your history (and by the way, because of COVID-19, this might be a weird time for her to have to process anything).

She’s also figuring out that this does change your relationship with her. Please don’t pretend it doesn’t. Talking about significant others takes on a whole new tone now. It’s not all bad, but it’s different. She might not want to hear certain things about her brother. Give her some time to get used to this new dynamic.

Do not assume the worst of anyone as they adjust. Ask her about her boundaries and be clear about yours.

MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

Time to sit her butt down and say, “OK, is it the initial deception or the fact we are a couple that has put the wrinkle in your panties?” My guess would be the latter. Big brother always got whatever he wanted and NOW HE HAS STOLEN MY BEST FRIEND. You have stepped into a sibling rivalry that will force you to pick sides unless you can get her to talk it through with you.

HEYITHINK

Maybe she just needs more time to adjust, but I would give her space and I would also avoid sharing too much about her brother right now. When you’re together, be her friend. If she’s not pleasant to be around, you don’t have to be around her. Be kind and understanding, but don’t take any crap. If she’s really your best friend she will come around.

HOLLYIVY

“I’m trying to do the right thing here, but it will be difficult if she constantly makes me feel like I have to choose between the two of them.” Say this and let the chips fall. You can’t control her reaction. Is she single? Can’t think of another reason someone would be so difficult about this.

ZEPTEMBER-

Everyone is entitled to their feelings. Your friend probably feels a little weird about you dating her brother. If talking about her brother makes her uncomfortable, limit those discussions. Tell her you sense her discomfort so you’ll try not to talk about him so much, but that she can ask you anything and you’ll be honest when she does. Hopefully she just needs some time to get used to the situation.

BOSTONSWEETS21

“How do I bring this up to her? She is the type of person who’s stubborn and really suppresses how she feels...” She has a problem, not you. All you have to do is keep being yourself. Trying to accommodate her means you diminish your relationship with your boyfriend. Plus, simply ignoring her will result in her wearing out from her own drama and she’ll eventually give up. Best friends aren’t necessarily forever. If she can’t be happy for you finding happiness, then she isn’t being a best friend. Time to upgrade.

BIGSIGH

Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to [email protected].

Is it bad to fall in love with your best friend's brother?

Harmony between friendship and love If you fall in love with a friend's brother or sister, then you have to handle two relationships at once. In this type of relationship, it is most important that love does not come between friendships. Along with this, walk-in harmony between love and friendship.

Is it against girl code to date your best friend's brother?

7 Dating a Brother Requires Permission. Under no circumstances should you date your friend's brother in secret. It's shady and plain rude to your friend. Getting permission from your friend will make you feel better about yourself and really show you if this relationship is even worth it!

What do you do if you like your best friend's brother?

Be honest with your friend. Once you realize you want your friend's older brother to think of you romantically, you should go ahead and let your friend know. You might say something like, “Hey, Stassi, I'm starting to have feelings for your brother and want him to think of me romantically.”

Is it okay to date a best friend?

Ultimately, each relationship is so unique that there is no blanket rule for whether best friends make good couples. But, if you are both on the same page about what you want in a relationship, constantly show respect, trust, and communicate openly, then best friends can make a really good couple.