Married woman doesn t talk about husband

Does your wife refuse to communicate or even give you the silent treatment? These reasons husbands are stonewalled will help your marriage. You can’t change your wife, but you might understand her a lot better.

Whether she gives you the silent treatment, withering looks or the cold shoulder, your first step is to try to learn why she won’t talk to you. If you don’t know what you’re up against, you can’t fight for your marriage.

These tips are inspired by a husband who says:

“My wife had an emotional affair with another man,” says Jason on Is Your Wife Cheating on You? A Simple Test. “Long story short, I gave her an ultimatum: end the relationship or I leave. My wife ended it, but claims she has nobody to talk to. She won’t look at me, talk to me, and can’t be in the same room as me. She is now bashing me to close friends, and blowing things way out of proportion. I am lost, confused, and still in love with my wife. But I can’t live like this. She refuses to get counseling, and says to leave her alone. My wife won’t talk to me but won’t leave. I need help.”

When your wife tells you to leave her alone, it’s important to discern whether she really means leave her alone or if she actually means “will you make an effort to save our marriage?”

How you determine what your wife is really saying depends on her personality, the reason she’s not talking to you, and how deep the problems go. It’s important to talk to someone in person about your marriage, and to get as emotionally and spiritually healthy as possible. The healthier you are, the better able you’ll be to make good decisions for your life, wife and family.

Have you read books like The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want? Learning from research-based therapists such as John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman of The Gottman Institute (A Research-Based Approach to Relationships) can improve understanding and communication.

Also, learn how to deal with the silent treatment in relationships if your wife refuses to communicate verbally. She may not be talking directly to you, but she is still communicating with you. Actions are often more powerful than words.

Why Your Wife Won’t Talk to You and What to Do About It

There are no easy answers or quick tips to saving a troubled marriage. I don’t have a magic formula or easy solution to offer you. People are complicated, marriages get confusing, and couples often let their relationship slide too far before attempting to reconnect.

The hard truth is that if you don’t know why your wife won’t talk to you, you won’t find answers on the internet. She has the answer – and I bet you know more than you realize. The trick is to face what you’ve been avoiding, and to find ways to convince her to do the same.

Will it be easy? No. Will facing the truth about your relationship – and yourself – encourage your wife to talk to you? Maybe. But even if it doesn’t safe your marriage, it can help you grow into a healthier, more loving person. And that’s the truest, most meaningful path any individual can take.

1. Consider your wife’s “love languages”

Gary Chapman’s love languages – as described in The 5 Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great – isn’t a fad or a gimmick. It’s a powerful way to look at communication in marriage. If your wife refuses to communicate in ways you understand, you might try finding ways to connect in ways she understands. This won’t erase months or even years of silence, miscommunication, misunderstandings and hurt feelings, but it can help heal your marriage.

“When you express your love for your wife using her primary love language, it’s like hitting the sweet spot on a baseball bat or golf club,” says counselor and bestselling author Gary Chapman. “It just feels right—and the results are impressive.”

If you’ve never heard of “love languages”, read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages – From Affirmation to Touch.

2. Respect your wife’s opinion of communication in your marriage

How many times would your wife say she’s tried to talk to you? If she believes she’s been trying for weeks, months or years to talk to you, perhaps she’s entered the silent treatment zone.

I know the silent treatment well. I used to refuse to talk to my husband when I was hurt, angry, jealous, or scared. I shut down and clammed up. My husband would try to get me to talk, but eventually give up — much sooner than I would’ve liked! I wanted him to keep reaching out to me because I thought it meant he loved me.

If your wife isn’t talking to you but is talking to close friends or family members, you might consider talking to them. Make sure you express your love and concern for your wife and marriage. You’re not trying to be emotionally manipulative or go behind her back; you just want to build a healthy marriage. You want to talk to your wife, but you can’t. Consider asking for their perspective about why she’s unhappy. Ask for their feedback, suggestions, and perspective. Take what they say to a counselor or someone you trust. Talk it through, find out if it rings true to you.

3. Find ways to know how and when you resist what your wife says

It’s hard to simply accept and allow our spouses to share their honest thoughts and true feelings. It hurts our egos, wounds our pride and threatens our security. I’ve been known to resist my husband’s opinions, and he sometimes avoids mine.

A complicating factor is that sometimes we resist allowing our spouses to share their honest feelings because we’re protecting ourself. Another possibility is that we can’t see the truth. We’re too close to it – we can’t see a massive rainforest when we’re lost in the swamp. It takes energy, effort and patience to learn how to accept a spouse’s thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it even takes external guidance, in the form of a counselor or trusted confidante.

4. Accept that your wife is unhappy

I went to a live marriage counseling session once; the therapist conducted three counseling sessions because to show us how and what problems married couples face.

One of the insights from the first live marriage counseling session was the fact that many husbands are perfectly happy with the status quo. They don’t want their lives to change because they’re satisfied with the way things are. Wives, on the other hand, are often more keen on trying to improve their marriages, talk more, connect on a deeper level. If your wife won’t talk to you, there might be something she’s trying to tell you.

The husband in the live counseling session said he supports his wife, doesn’t put any undue stress or strain on her, and doesn’t recognize any problems at all. They’d been married for a short time, only three years or so. Yet his wife was already tired of trying to talk to him, trying to make him see that she’s not happy with “just” being provided for and supported.

5. Know your definition of a “happy marriage”

“The five most important words describing a husband’s calling in marriage: Proactively create a happy marriage,” write Joel & Kathy Davisson, in The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His. “Start with giving your wife twenty hugs, kisses and compliments each day. The five most important words describing a wife’s calling in marriage: Proactively respond to your husband’s efforts. When he hugs you, receive it and hug back. When he kisses you, receive it and kiss him back. When he compliments you, thank him and compliment back.”

Could it be as simple as that? Wouldn’t that be amazing! Is it possible that your wife needs to be touched, loved, hugged and complimented? I don’t know. What would happen if you tried this for a month? Even more importantly: what do you have to lose?

If you want to go light and easy with your wife, read 10 Easy Ways to Make Conversation With Your Girlfriend.

6. You haven’t tried to change the only person you can: you

In 7 Ways to Be Her Hero: The One Your Wife Has Been Waiting For, Doug Fields shares seven practical, do-able actions to transform any marriage. He wrote his book the way most men seem to talk and learn – especially Christian husbands who want to build more Christlike relationships with their wives.

“Your biggest, most important job as the hero husband of her life is to identify the baggage, help her unload it, and then fill it up with what God would want her to know — how precious and wonderful she truly is,” writes Doug.

Doug believes that most men feel like they are decent at their jobs and being a parent, but they usually don’t feel like a good husband. “We want to be good husbands but we don’t know how,” he says. “We know we suck, but we don’t want to suck any more. By the end of our lives we will be glad to know we were our bride’s occasional heroes and that we tried our best. That is the key theme of a hero. They try.”

If your wife is cold and distant emotionally, read How to Love Someone Who is Emotionally Unavailable.

Read through the comments below; you’ll see you are not alone. Share your experience – sometimes just putting thoughts into words can bring clarity and insight.

*