How to ask a girl for her number on chat

You meet a nice girl, conversation ensues and shazam! You are so into her, feeling her vibes and all that and want to get to know her better, by the time the conversation comes to an end, you are eager to get her number but don’t know how to go about it, don’t break a sweat bro, I’ve got your back.

Probably you are the shy type like my friend Spiderman, or you feel anxious in the presence of ladies, no need racking your nerves about it below is a tested and proven approach on “how to ask a girl for her phone number”.

1.  Never go asking her number straight up

Never, I repeat, never go asking a girl plainly for her number. This advice is vital, a simple “can I have your number?” can screw up your chances of getting her number. Research shows “asking” for permission inhibits attraction and ultimately makes you look weak. When you approach her with the basic “can I’ or “do you mind” you instantly send a message of helplessness and need for approval.

The implication after that is that asking for permission sets a clear path for her refusal, it gives her an upper hand and makes it easier to answer your question with a “NO.” So, instead, say to her, “I would really like to meet you again, give me your number and I’ll give you a call.” She would definitely give you a “YES.”

2. Wait for the right time

This the most nerve-wracking stage of asking for a girl’s phone number for most guys. Most probably think it’s best to throw the question at the end of the discussion, trust me it’s the worst time.

The best time to ask a girl for her number is at the peak of your conversation, and right after that carry on with the conversation, it shows you genuinely have interest in her. On the other hand, if you ask before the conversation, she will definitely say no, as it would look like you just want to take advantage of her, and if you ask right after the conversation, it would be too obvious you just wanted her number or maybe score a point.

3. Get to know her

This is best applied if you have seen her before, or if she stays in the neighborhood. Take your time, get to know, engage in random conversations and chats, it makes it much easier when you ask for her number. On the other hand, if she doesn’t know you and you just walk up to her and request for her number she may think you are a womanizer who just wants to take advantage of her.

Getting to know her goes a long way in fostering the possibility of a future relationship. You could learn quite a lot about her even before requesting her phone number.

4. Create the perfect excuse

There’s always a crafty way to go around women. Generally, it’s a dead ringer to demand or plead with her outrightly. Hence you can coax her mid-discussion with approaches such as, “ Oh I have a game with my friends, mind if we continue this conversation over a phone call?”, this is the best approach, and it works almost every time.

5. Be prepared for her rebound questions

As soon as you ask her for her number, expect that she should ask you why you want it? Your reply goes along to determine if she eventually gives you the number or not. Don’t go to the obvious “To talk to you of course,” it’s a huge turn-off. Instead get creative with reply’s such as, “I have some funny memes I want us to chat about.

6. Give her your phone

Instead of having her yell out her number as you type on the keypad, hand over the phone to her to type in herself this gives a feeling that you trust her with your stuff. Secondly, she knows how to handle a phone so trust her with yours. If you have compromising photos or videos on your gallery, I suggest you do some clean up before you go meet with her.

7. Don’t be persistent

Ok, you asked her, and she turns you down, it’s important not to force her or be overly persistent as this will worsen your chances of ever getting her number. That she said no today doesn’t mean she will say no forever, walk away and try your luck some other day.

8. Know when to stay off

In unfortunate situations, she might not really be into you and if you sense this, please its time to back off. Forcing her will only make you look creepier.

Finally, all the above points are excellent, but the most important of all is your self-confidence. Girls sniff out the type of person you are, and if you seem like you don’t have the balls enough to impress her, she’s gonna turn you down!

A woman needs to feel a connection to you before she’ll share intimate personal information like her phone number.

1. First, she needs to feel like you have shared interests.

2. Second, she needs to feel like you’re trustworthy.

3. Third, she needs to feel a romantic connection with you.

To make sure a girl knows you have shared interests, you need to have an engaging conversation that touches on the things you enjoy.

Ask her questions about what she likes to do, and how she spends her time.

When you notice commonalities, call them out! This can be as simple as saying something like:

"That’s awesome that you like to ski. I like to ski too. My favorite place to ski is Aspen. Have you been?

Next, to make sure a girl feels like you’re trustworthy, you want to communicate in a way that creates trust.

Be yourself, talk at a normal conversational pace, and most importantly, actively listen to her.

One way to demonstrate you actively listen, and therefore are trustworthy, is to ask her thoughtful questions.

For example, if she says she’s had a tough day, engage with her about it:

✅ I’m sorry to hear that! What made your day tough?

… Rather than shifting the conversation back to you:

❌ I’ve had a tough day too. Let me tell you about it…

Finally, to make sure a girl feels a romantic connection with you, you want to flirt a little, and ideally also introduce physical touch into your conversation.

Learning to flirt and introduce physical touch are more advanced topics that exceed the scope of this article on how to ask a girl for her number, but...

The safest and lightest-weight way to get started flirting is to smile 😃

It may sound simplistic, but if you smile at the girl whose number you want, she’ll probably smile back, and feel positive emotions when talking to you.

This is why smiling is such a simple and effective way to set the right tone for a conversation that results in getting a girl’s phone number!

HOW TO ASK A GIRL FOR HER NUMBER STEP #2:

Qualify Your Crush 🔎

If you want to successfully get a girl’s phone number when you ask, it’s essential you qualify her first.

What does “qualify” mean?

“Qualify” means to look for signs she *wants* to give you her number.

This way, you’re less likely to face the awkwardness and disappointment of asking for her number and getting rejected 🥶

Specifically, you want to qualify that she’s:

1. Single

2. Compatible with you

3. Interested in you

To qualify that she’s single, you could literally ask her:

Are you single?

… But this tends to be an overly acute approach.

It’s much better to have a robust-enough conversation that she has opportunities to drop hints about her relationship status.

Women will typically tell you if they are (or aren’t) single once your conversation is flowing.

For example:

• ✈️ If you’re discussing travel, she might mention that:

  • She went on a trip with girlfriends (a reasonably strong clue she’s single!)

  • She went on a trip with an ex (another reasonably strong clue she’s single!)

  • She went on a trip with her boyfriend (a clear declaration she’s NOT single, and therefore you shouldn’t ask for her number!)

• 🏡 If you’re discussing what part of town you live in, and you mention that you live alone, she might mention that:

  • She lives alone (a reasonably strong clue she’s single!)

  • She lives with her boyfriend (a clear declaration she’s not single, and you shouldn’t ask for her number!)

This isn’t to say that you must be certain a girl is single before you ask for her number.

Still, it’s helpful to have a sufficiently nuanced conversation that she has opportunities to mention a partner before you ask for her number.

Next, you want to qualify that you’re compatible.

Compatibility is a complex topic that exceeds the scope of this article on how to ask for a girl’s number, but at least heed obvious non-starters or red flags like:

• 🚩 She lives in another country, and you’ll likely never see each other again (it probably doesn’t make sense to ask for her number in this case)

• 🚩 She has a lifestyle or interests that are obviously incompatible with your own, like she travels constantly for work, and you want a partner who can physically be in the same place as you (it probably doesn’t make sense to ask for her number in this case, either)

Finally, you want to qualify that she’s interested in you.

This means looking for signs she’s enjoying chatting with you, and might want to see you again. Examples include:

• She’s smiling, and laughs at your jokes 😊

• She proactively engages with the conversation, and asks you questions about your personal life 🙋‍♀️

• She mentions the possibility of seeing you again 📅

For a more complete list, check out my blog post on signs she’s developing feelings for you HERE.

Anyway, once you’ve qualified that she’s:

1. Likely single (or at least not obviously taken)

2. Likely compatible with you (or at least not obviously incompatible)

3. Likely likes you (or at least doesn’t overtly dislike you)

… You’ll feel more confident when you ask for her number, which is important, for reasons I’ll explain next 👇

HOW TO ASK A GIRL FOR HER NUMBER STEP #3:

Ask Appropriately 🗣️

Now that you’ve created a connection with your crush, and you’ve qualified her to the extent you’re confident (A) she’s single, (B) you’re compatible, and (C) she’s interested…

It’s time to ask for her number! 📲

Asking for a girl for her number is easier than you might think. You just need to ask appropriately.

“Appropriately” means three things:

1. Don’t rush it. Wait until your conversation is at a natural stopping point. The #1 mistake I see guys make is asking for a girl’s number too soon, thereby creating an awkward break in the conversation 😬

2. Be confident. Women love confidence because confidence demonstrates that you are intentional about what you want. So take a deep breath, pull your shoulders back, and ask for her number confidently! Your confidence should be obvious through your relaxed and open body language, comfortable expressions, and steady tone of voice. You can demonstrate extra confidence by physically moving closer to her when you ask, or even introducing lightweight physical touch (if you know how) ☝️

3. Share a reason why. Did you have a good time chatting with her? Do you want to see her again? Tell her! It sounds silly, but she’s much more likely to give you her number if you share a reason why she should give it to you 💁‍♀️

Here’s a simple example of how to ask a girl for her number, that includes a simple reason for asking:

I’ve loved chatting with you, and I’d love to see you again sometime. What’s your number?

Here’s another example of how to ask a girl for her number, that highlights a shared interest:

It was great to meet you, and I love that you’re also a matcha connoisseur. What’s your number?

Here’s one more example of how to ask a girl for her number, that specifies a future plan related to the conversation:

Since you like yoga, what would you think of going to a class together sometime at my favorite studio Black Swan? If you give me your number, I’ll text you to set it up.

One last thought on asking appropriately…

If you can’t envision a girl giving you her number, she probably won’t.

This is because your lack of self-confidence will permeate throughout your interaction with her, and it will turn her off 😷

If you want to get a girl’s number, you must cultivate the self-confidence to believe that you’re worthy of getting her number, and seeing her again.

Not there yet?

Focus on developing your sense of self-worth before you invest time into approaching women ❤️

Last Thoughts On How To Ask A Girl For Her Number

Let’s recap. What’d we learn today?

The right way to ask a girl for her number is to:

1. Create a connection 🤝

2. Qualify your crush 🔎

3. Ask appropriately 🗣️

Before you try these 3 steps out in the wild, one last piece of advice…

Expectations are the enemy of success.

Like we discussed a moment ago, if you don’t believe you can get a girl’s number, she probably won’t give it to you.

But that doesn’t mean you can *expect* every woman you talk with to share her number with you.

No matter what you may think, dating isn’t smooth or easy for anyone. It takes a lot of practice to feel confident engaging with women you’re attracted to, and consistently get girls’ numbers when you ask!

Get rid of whatever expectations you’ve placed on yourself, and instead replace them with resilience and an open mind.

Remember, a girl may not want to give you her number for any one of millions of reasons that have nothing to do with you 🤷

For example:

• She’s not single…

• She’s not dating…

• She’s having a bad day…

• She’s simply an unfriendly person…

If a girl doesn’t want to give you her number, don’t let that one negative experience color your entire outlook on dating.

Keep your expectations low, accept that you’re not compatible with everyone, remember that you’re worthy of dating someone awesome, and practice! 💪

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