How to say no to family gatherings Reddit

I always try to find reasons to escape them! I have come up with some doozies too. "The office added clinic on Saturday, so I'll have to be there from 8a-8p, I can't get out of it or I'll lose my job." "I just remembered I have to help my friend move, and I wish I could cancel but she's a single mom, and doesn't have a ton of help."

I loathe most of my extended family though, so even if they found out I lied, I would just tell them they are insufferable, and I felt like bailing was better than telling them that directly because that would initiate a conversation I wasn't interested in having. I don't even have the "cool cousins" to stand with in the corner and commiserate, because they also refuse to attend any family gatherings anymore either.

This is a complicated situation so I will try my best to not give y’all a novel.

I (27F) have had a very toxic/distant relationship with my mom’s family. I was constantly compared to my cousins, and for a while my aunt didn’t visit me over a new change to my now decreased grandparents will for a few years. So in short I was always the 2nd fiddle-think like Cinderella if you will.

Once both my grandparents passed on and I got engaged to my (26m) fiancé we became very distant. I offered my relatives to text me and even tried texting them a few times since my grandparents passed. I even went to most family reunions despite how I was treated. We were never able to build a connection of sorts and I really only speak with 1 cousin and his wife. Also since my fiancé is mixed race, they treated both of us differently which I didn’t appreciate.

I recently got put into a group text by my aunt to celebrate Easter with them. This is the 1st time in about 1-2 years since we last spoke and from what my cousin have said about my aunt I don’t think she wants to see me. My fiancé thinks I shouldn’t go given how they treated me in the past and just how rude they’ve been to me.

AITA if I said no to this family event?

By being really upfront when they call you to make the plans in the first place. They are going to be a lot less annoyed if you let them know that you’re not gonna come instead of indicating you’re going to come and then at the last minute telling them we won’t be there. Avoid them anticipating your presence because the anticipation and then the late drop out is what pisses people off not that you’re not going. Nobody likes being led on including your family. Honesty goes a long way you don’t have to give detail to be honest.

With my parents I tell them hey I do want to see you but the entire family gathering together makes me feel anxious can we plan something either the weekend before or the weekend after where we just watch movies and hang out? Or can we set aside a long weekend this summer and plan some things that we would all like to do? They would rather have me to themselves anyways

Posted by2 years ago

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I’m in NJ and I tested negative...

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level 1

Never a better time to say no to events in my opinion. It might come with consequences unfortunately, but everyone is literally responsible for their own decisions. Being safe now could be life saving long term for you and everyone you come in contact with.

level 2

I am having a dilemma 3 different family members are non stop harassing me about coming to a beach house for a few days and no one is wearing masks. I live alone I have no children I’m 30 years old and I was born with one kidney it’s a rare condition but it functions normally but when I get sick I get very sick. These people are texting me non stop trying to get me to come. I think it’s ignorant and reckless

I’m also obese

level 1

Not family, but I rsvpd no to a baby shower for a close friend because I was too nervous to go and the response was fine. I just said I don’t feel comfortable yet. I don’t think it’s overreacting at all. You are being responsible. You are thinking of others and yourself. You are doing what everyone needs to be doing: social distancing to stop the spread. I don’t care if anyone disagrees with this. I have my opinions, they can have theirs.

level 1

My brother and his wife are still having their wedding at the end of the month and I texted her and told her I’m sorry but due to the current increase in infections in our state we will not be attending. I just let any family that invites us places we do not want to risk it and we are not coming. If they get mad, oh well.

level 2

I’m in CA and skipping my brother’s wedding Labor Day weekend in PA. Not comfortable flying or spending hours at a party with a bunch of people.

level 1

I am the matriarch of my small family and at the start of this shi* storm I just told them I’m not going to anything for the next year! Don’t Fuking ask me and I don’t give a Fuk what y’all think! There is so sh*t out there killing people! So far so good..

level 2

Good for you! Hope you set a strong example for the younger ones

level 1

Be honest, say you are not comfortable passing the virus to someone or catching it yourself and don't think it is best for you right now.

95% of people understand. If they get super mad, they are crappy humans and you have my sympathies.

level 1

I have a sane family who is all on the same page that we stay away from each other. Wish everyone did.

level 1

"I don't feel comfortable"

Then they will diminish your feelings

Then you can call them out or write them off

level 1

It is good practice in learning no is a complete answer.

level 1

My son and I have self isolated for 14 days so that we can see his grandparents once before school starts. It will be the first time since March, we will meet outside, and we will social distance. I don’t feel bad about telling anyone else “no.”

level 1

Just cough a little bit a say you're feeling under the weather. Mumble something about some guy at work that has it.

level 1

I've stopped being polite.

level 1

I wouldn't go to any gathering, and I mean not even a funeral. I'm 62 years old, high risk people in my home.

level 1

No. Everyone here is NY has been avoiding each other since March. It’s OK to say no you’re not comfortable and it’s not personal

level 2

man i live in Ny and people are partying left and right.

level 1

"No." Is a complete sentence.