I want to leave my house but I have nowhere to go

These ideas will help you leave a relationship without money, family support or anywhere to go. You might have more than you realize!

Even if you feel hopeless about your circumstances, future, financial situation, health and even the support system you thought you had. Leaving feels impossible.

It’s important to remember that those are feelings. Your feelings are fed by your thoughts and beliefs. And even if your thoughts and beliefs feel true, they aren’t accurate predictors of the future…unless you give them that power. Here’s a better truth: you can leave because you do have somewhere to go. You just haven’t found it yet.

If you’re married, remember how long it took to plan your wedding? Or maybe you’re in a relationship that took awhile to get going, or it took time for you to get pregnant. Planning to leave – especially when you have nowhere to go – will should take a long time! Why? Because this is a huge life change that requires time, thought, and wisdom.

Be gentle with yourself. This world can be hard and scary, and you may feel more alone than you ever have before. But this world is also beautiful, kind, and loving. So are the people in it. You will find the right sources of support and guidance. You will find what you need.

8 Steps to Getting Out of a Relationship

When the time is right for you to physically leave the home you share with your partner, will you be ready? These tips will help you.

1. Tell yourself (and others) the truth

You may feel trapped and tired. Maybe your health is forcing you to stay in a unhappy marriage or bad relationship. Maybe your kids, pets, aging family or financial situation is weighing you down. You have very real, valid, serious concerns and problems.

But you also have very real, valid, and serious possibilities. It’s crucial that you start thinking about why you want to leave this relationship and where you are going. You don’t need an exact plan or exit strategy right now. That’s impossible and overwhelming. All you need is to make one decision today.

Your self-image affects everything you do, every choice you make, every thought you believe. Forming a healthy self-identity is the first step towards getting out of an unhealthy relationship – especially when you believe you have no money or support.

You deserve to be happy, to be treated with respect, and to be loved.

It’s not only the first step…it’s the most important one. Whether you’re getting away from an abusive husband after 20 years of marriage or a lifeless relationship after 20 weeks, the foundation is the same. Your own self-identity. What you tell yourself about who you are and what you can do.

2. Question your thoughts

Byron Katie’s The Work is a simple, powerful process of questioning your thoughts and fears. Watch her work with women in situations exactly like yours. She asks four questions to help people stop believing their thoughts and find the truth. You may think, “I’m trapped in this relationship. I can’t leave because I have nowhere to go.”

Katie would ask, “Is it true?” and “Can you really know for sure that it is true that you have nowhere to go?” This is a meditation practice, not just a quick “Yes it’s true! I have nowhere to go and nobody to help me!” The idea is to question your own thoughts. Once you start questioning the negative, destructive, painful things you believe, you will find yourself becoming free. You will gain power and control over a situation that seems impossible, even hopeless. This is especially important for women in abusive relationships. Your partner may have stripped away your identity, support system, self-confidence, and connections to the people you love. You believe what he wants you to believe. You don’t realize that there are places to go and you can get leave your relationship even if you have no money.

Question the thought that you have nowhere to go. Learn how Katie found freedom and strength – and how thousands of women have left relationships when they had nobody to help, no family, no money, no support. You have strengths that you’re not focusing on – perhaps that you’re not even aware of! But they’re there, and they will help you break up with a man you no longer love.

3. Tell one trusted person what you’re going through

Find supportive, healthy, positive places where women gather to share support and encouragement. Avoid gatherings – both online and in person – that are negative, toxic, or depressing.

Right now you may not have anywhere to go and you may even feel like you’ll never be able to leave your relationship. But, if stay connected with supportive, encouraging women, you will see that you are less alone than you think.

4. Clarify your reason for leaving

Ending a relationship is never easy, but the transition might go smoother if you know exactly why you have to leave. Right now you may feel defensive, confused and even unable to explain why you want to break up. But if you can write down your reasons for leaving – including a brief description of the specific experiences with your partner that hurt you – then you will gain clarity in your own mind. This will help you stay firm about your decision to leave and find the help you need. You may have now where to go right now, but if you can get clear about why you need to get out of the relationship, you increase your chances of getting support.

Sometimes we stay in relationships long after they’re over because we’re scared of so many things. This is normal because everything is unknown! Breakups through us into a deep dark abyss of uncertainty. We don’t want to hurt our partners, we don’t want them to hurt us worse than they already have, and we don’t want our loved ones – pets, children, family members – to get hurt. Also, we’re scared to be alone, scared of starting over.

5. Be curious about your options for leaving! Imagine all the “what if’s”

The reader who recently asked for help getting out of her relationship said she was employed with the Army, on active duty. Whether or not her husband also works in the Army, there’s a source of support and resources there. It may seem impossible and even weird to call your husband’s work for help getting away from him, but you need to explore all your options.

If you keep telling yourself you’ll never be able to leave this relationship – if you keep focusing on the family, friends, resources, health and money you do not have – then you can never be free. But your imprisonment won’t be because of your partner, or the relationship, or the available resources and support. It’s an imprisonment of your own mind, your unwillingness to do the work, and your relationship patterns.

6. Be honest about your situation

How do you get help leaving a relationship when you have nowhere to go and nobody to support you? Start by making phone calls, asking for resources, and creating a plan. Be humble. Ask for help getting out. Ask the internet, ask your neighbors, ask your kids’ parents, ask the pastor.

Who will you see today, in your daily routine? A few days ago I chatted with a guy walking his dog; turns out he’s a police officer who works in the domestic violence cases at our local precinct. If I needed help getting out, he might be somewhere to start. Be honest and real with people. Maybe you’ll even start calling women’s shelters, support groups, Social Services, even the police.

Read What You Need to Know When You Call a Shelter or Safe House. Don’t forget the comments section; you’ll find encouragement and companionship in other women’s stories and lives.

7. Look at this “to do” list for leaving

Glance through these 7 steps to leaving when you have nowhere to go. Remember that you don’t have to do them all at once. You don’t even have to do any of them! Just read them, and let them soak into the back of your mind. When you’re ready, they’ll be there.

1. Understand the importance of careful planning
2. Learn about ways to protect yourself and your children
3. Discover the options to consider along the way
4. Make specific plans to leave
5. Prepare to manage opposition from your partner, family and friends
6. Find support for letting go and moving on
7. Move forward into a new future

Every “no we can’t help you” brings you one step closer to “yes, we can help you get out of this relationship.” You might even consider calling friends and family you didn’t think you could rely on. This may be the crisis that pulls you back into a family who loves you and misses you.

8. Start letting go

Letting go of a relationship – especially someone you live with or even have children with – isn’t about “getting over it.” Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, pretending your heart isn’t broken, or putting up walls so you don’t get hurt again.

Rather, letting go is about loosening unhealthy attachments. It’s about healing your heart and dealing with regret. When you let go of a person you loved and lost, you find peace and freedom. You start moving forward into a fresh new season of life.

Letting Go When Your Relationship Ends is filled with comforting, practical ways to heal your heart. You’ll feel encouraged and strengthened, comforted and supported.

If you’re financially trapped, read How Do You Leave Your Husband When You Have No Money?

You might also find it helpful to read through the comments below. You’ll see you’re not alone, and that help might come in surprising forms.

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